New system generates unverifiable political statements automatically
In an unprecedented move that has political analysts and comedians alike cheering, the Commission on Elections (Comelec) announced a “state-of-the-art” feature for the 2025 elections: automatic candidate lying during the filing of candidacy.
Comelec Chairman Sheriff Abas described the initiative as “an exciting step toward modernizing electoral processes” and “a huge relief for candidates tired of remembering the truth.” The development reflects broader trends in electoral system modernization globally.
“This new feature will allow politicians to auto-generate statements about their achievements, personal history, and philanthropic exploits,” Abas said. “All input is optional, results are unverifiable, and public skepticism is encouraged.”
According to a press release, the new system will interface with a proprietary database of classic political tropes. These include: “I have always served the people,” “I will fight corruption,” “My experience speaks for itself,” and “Also, I once rescued a puppy from a storm.”
Candidates simply check a box, and the software produces a polished statement that would make even veteran campaign managers blush. Officials note that this will speed up the filing process and free up hours previously spent on “embellishing resumes manually.”
When asked about the ethical implications, Abas reassured the public. “Truth is overrated,” he said. “Our goal is to enhance voter experience let them enjoy the thrill of guessing which promises are real and which are fiction.”
Comedians and social media users quickly embraced the move, joking that the feature would turn the filing of candidacy into “the world’s first interactive political video game.” Hashtags like #AutoLie2025 and #GuessTheCandidate began trending within hours.
Meanwhile, veteran politicians reportedly expressed relief, noting that they can finally “focus on waving at cameras rather than sweating over minor things like facts.” One senator-elect hopeful commented, “I’ve always wanted to claim I built a hospital, and now the system does it for me. It’s like Christmas in October.” International observers studying electoral transparency have taken note of the unusual development.
Observers warn that the new feature may have unintended consequences, including a sudden spike in political satire and a marked increase in voters double-checking social media feeds for reality verification.
As of press time, Comelec released a public service announcement reminding voters: “Please enjoy the auto-generated promises responsibly. Remember, democracy is best when slightly absurd.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/author/jasminekwok/.
