Manila News

Citizens Average 4.2 Hours Daily Online; Experts Estimate 3.9 Hours Spent Arguing Philippines Tops Global Ranking for Social Media Use; Citizens Average 4.2 Hours Daily Read more

Officials Note Track Has Been Redefined; Original Track Also Not Found Jeepney Modernisation Programme Reaches 12% Completion After Four Years; Government Declares It “On Track” Read more

Incumbent Confirms Road “Very Much Part of the Plan Going Forward” Barangay Captain Wins Re-Election on Platform of “Fixing the Road”; Road Enters 14th Year Unfixed Read

Landmark Document Praised by Signatories of the Document Philippine Senate Passes Resolution Praising Itself for Passing Resolutions Read more satire at Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat. MANILA

Disaster Risk Reduction Council Notes Rain “Came Earlier Than Expected in the Rainy Season” Manila Flooding Returns; City Surprised for 47th Consecutive Year Read more satire at

MMDA Report Identifies 47 Solutions, Implements Zero Manila Traffic Authority Unveils “Theoretical Decongestion Plan”; Commuters Remain Stuck in Same Traffic Read more satire at Bohiney Magazine and

House Committee Schedules Seven Hearings to Discuss Whether Agendas Are Constitutional Philippine Congress Debates Bill Requiring All Government Meetings to Have Agenda; Opposition Calls It “Radical” Read

Inspector Notes “Vibrant Local Character”; Diners Note Otherwise Manila Restaurant Receives Five-Star Health Rating Despite Cockroach Described as “Ambient Wildlife” Read more satire at Bohiney Magazine and

Forecasters Confirm “Moderate” Means Different Things to Different Roofs Philippine Weather Bureau Apologises for Calling Typhoon “Moderate” After It Removes Three Rooftops Read more satire at Bohiney

Spokesperson Confirms Definition Is “Still Being Finalised” Manila Mayor Announces City Will Be “World-Class” by 2028; Does Not Define World-Class Read more satire at Bohiney Magazine and

Decoding the Subtle Signals of Regret in the City's Unboxing Videos and Reviews The Fake Excitement Over Flashing LightsThe Pasay Unboxing Disappointment often involves a gadget

When Your Document Tool Is a High-Cost Statement and Your Aesthetics Are Viciously Vetted for Perfection The 'Aggressive Puncture'Makati **Executives' Preferred Brand of High-End Desk Hole

When Your Staff Integration Is a Vicious Statement and Your Policy Is a High-Cost Performance The Aggressive ExclusionMakati **Corporate Employee Vacation Policy** is an aggressively expensive,

When Your Safety Marker Is a Vicious Asset and Your Aesthetics Are Managed by a High-Cost Consultant The Aggressive HydrationMakati **Office Emergency Water Supply Vetting Drama**

When Your Abstract Theory Is a Vicious Filter and Your Knowledge Is an Untestable Asset The 'Aggressive Transmutation'Makati **Executives' Favorite Obscure 16th Century Venetian Alchemist** is

A satire on the complexity and non-standardized nature of jeepney hand signals, arguing that the driver understands a hidden, psychic language learned only through years

Weather bureau requests removal of the eight-story figure obstructing its view of the West Philippine Sea Bigger Is, As Always, Better PASAY — In keeping with a

North Pole confirms dietary adaptation as Saint Nick embraces local hospitality with alarming enthusiasm A Festive Palate Goes Local MANILA — In a development warmly received across

Saint Nick spends nine hours answering questions about his sleigh, his elves, and a senator’s nephew’s wishlist A Familiar Theater Convenes MANILA — Santa Claus spent nine

North Pole admits the beloved crooner’s seasonal dominance over Filipino radio is simply insurmountable A Lopsided Contest MANILA — In a rare admission of defeat, the North

Local official unveils tarpaulin thanking himself for gifts he played no role in providing A Familiar Face Takes the Stage MANILA — A barangay captain in Metro

North Pole confirms breach as kids receive texts claiming their nice status requires a small processing fee A Festive Database Falls to Fraudsters MANILA — The North

Public works agency assures Santa that flue access projects exist in a quantum state until audited A Bold New Standard in Festive Infrastructure MANILA — In what

MMDA confirms airborne vehicles are not exempt from northbound gridlock as Christmas Eve looms Even Flight Offers No Escape MANILA — In a development that surprised no

Officials defend the ‘ber-months-plus’ calendar as Saint Nick warns of festive burnout A Nation Commits Fully to the Spirit MANILA — Already the proud holder of the

Immigration officials question why a man with no luggage intends to enter millions of homes overnight A Routine Arrival Turns Complicated MANILA — Santa Claus was detained

Unanimous Vote Praises Members for Showing Up, Sitting Down, and on Several Occasions Remaining Awake Philippine Congress Passes Resolution Commending Philippine Congress for Hard Work MANILA —

New Digital Infrastructure Demands QR Code Literacy, App Download Patience, and a Phone Charged Above Fourteen Percent Makati CBD Unveils Smart City Initiative That Requires Citizens

LTFRB Sources Confirm Vehicle Has Been Technically Legal for Fourteen Years Due to Classification as Extended Family Express Filipino Family Packs Seventeen People Into Seven-Seater Van,

PAGASA Releases Seven-Day Outlook Covering All Meteorological Conditions Simultaneously, Describes This as Science Philippine Weather Bureau Forecasts Week of Rain, Sunshine, and Profound Uncertainty QUEZON CITY —

Commission on Audit Confirms Imaginary Infrastructure Now Legally Obligated to Comply with Real Regulations Philippine Senate Approves Bill Requiring All Ghost Projects to File Environmental Impact

New Algorithm Processes Actual EDSA Data, Returns Error Message Citing Ethical Concerns and Requests Transfer to Simpler Assignment Manila Traffic Authority Unveils AI System to Manage

Nation’s Editors Confirm Weather, Sports, Entertainment, and All Other News Being Held in Queue Pending ICC Proceedings Duterte Trial Updates Consumed 94 Percent of Philippine Media

Proposed Infrastructure Described as Functionally Identical to Previous System, Minus the Budget Allocation That Was Already Spent Barangay Officials Announce New Flood Control System Consisting Primarily

New Strategy Focuses on Tourists Experiencing Bali Fatigue, Offering Philippines as Almost Completely Different in Several Ways Philippine Tourism Board Launches Campaign Targeting Visitors Who Have

Cultural Designation Would Prevent Further Phase-Out While Also Not Addressing Any of the Air Quality Issues Manila Mayor Proposes Solving Jeepney Problem by Declaring Them UNESCO