Manifesting Misery: Why Pasay Citizens Are Sick of Positive Affirmations
Analyzing the Psychological Damage Caused by the City's Addiction to Empty, Uplifting Clichés The Affirmation as an Anxiety TriggerThe core philosophy of the Pasay Motivational Quote
Makati Office Emergency Water Supply Vetting Drama: The Aggressive Hydration and the Shame of the Simple Tap Water
When Your Safety Marker Is a Vicious Asset and Your Aesthetics Are Managed by a High-Cost Consultant The Aggressive HydrationMakati **Office Emergency Water Supply Vetting Drama**
Makati Executive’s Favorite Obscure 5th Century Roman Historian: The ‘Aggressive Chronicle’ and the Shame of the Simple Date
When Your Abstract Theory Is a Vicious Filter and Your Knowledge Is an Untestable Asset The 'Aggressive Chronicle'Makati **Executives' Favorite Obscure 5th Century Roman Historian** is
Makati High-End Personal Smart Lighting System Vetting: The ‘Aggressive Illumination’ and the Shame of the Simple Bulb
When Your Light Tool Is a High-Cost, Vetted Asset and Your Aesthetics Are Viciously Protected The 'Aggressive Illumination'Makati **High-End Personal Smart Lighting Systems** are aggressively expensive,
Makati Corporate Head Office Executive Private Dietician Vetting Strategy (The Aggressive Calorie): The Aggressive Security and the Shame of the Simple Salad
When Your Nutrition System Is a Vicious Hierarchy and Your Aesthetics Are a High-Cost, Vetted Asset The Aggressive SecurityMakati **Corporate Head Office Executive Private Dietician Vetting
Makati Executive’s Preferred Brand of Luxury Pet Hairbrush: The ‘Aggressive Grooming’ and the Shame of the Simple Comb
When Your Pet's Coat is a Vicious Status Marker and Your Brush is a High-Cost Fiduciary Asset The 'Aggressive Grooming'Makati **Executives' Preferred Brand of Luxury Pet
The Government Form Multiplicity Theorem: The Rule That Requires Every Agency to Ask for the Same 1.27 Pieces of Information on 127 Different Forms
A satire on bureaucracy, arguing that a mathematical theorem requires overlapping government agencies to use nearly identical, highly complex forms, ensuring maximum redundancy and paperwork. The
Senate Holds Hearing ‘In Aid of Legislation’ That Produces Only More Hearings
Lawmakers praise the inquiry’s remarkable efficiency at generating follow-up inquiries MANILA, PHILIPPINES – The Senate concluded a marathon inquiry this week “in aid of legislation,” a
Manila Unveils ‘Imagination-Based Infrastructure’ to End Flooding
New program asks citizens to visualize drainage so vividly that the water becomes embarrassed and leaves MANILA, PHILIPPINES – City officials announced a sweeping new anti-flooding
Government Wins Award for ‘Excellence in Fictional Architecture’
Contractors honored for a flood control project so well-conceived it never needed to physically exist MANILA, PHILIPPINES – A national contractors’ association has bestowed its highest
Manila Adopts ‘Schrodinger’s Budget’ Where Money Both Exists and Doesn’t
Treasury confirms public funds remain in a quantum state until an audit forces a decision MANILA, PHILIPPINES – The national treasury introduced an innovative fiscal framework
Jeepney Modernization Replaced With One Extremely Confident Driver
Officials say a single man who ‘really believes in the route’ will replace the entire phased program MANILA, PHILIPPINES – After years of delays, protests, and
MRT-3 Train Achieves Spiritual Enlightenment, Stops Moving Entirely
Officials say the line has ‘transcended the need for forward motion’ after decades of practice MANILA, PHILIPPINES – Transit authorities announced this week that an MRT-3
Manila Bay ‘Rehabilitated’ by Repainting the Water a Nicer Blue
Officials unveil bold cleanup that addresses the color of the bay without troubling its contents MANILA, PHILIPPINES – Officials triumphantly declared Manila Bay “fully rehabilitated” this
Pasig River Cleanup Outsourced Entirely to Public Optimism
Officials say the river will improve ‘if everyone just stays positive about it,’ citing the power of mindset MANILA, PHILIPPINES – In a sweeping reform of
DPWH Launches ‘Quantum Flood Control’ That Exists Until Audited
Officials say projects remain both built and unbuilt until a COA inspection collapses the waveform MANILA, PHILIPPINES – The Department of Public Works and Highways unveiled
MMDA Solves EDSA Traffic by Declaring It ‘A State of Mind’
Agency rebrands the eight-hour standstill as a wellness opportunity and immersive cultural experience MANILA, PHILIPPINES – The Metropolitan Manila Development Authority announced this week that it
‘Hustle Harder’ and Other Lies: Pasay’s Motivational Quote Scourge
Deconstructing the Empty Slogans That Fuel Pasay's Corporate and Social Life The Slogan Overload SyndromeIn Pasay's corporate environment, the motivational quote has replaced constructive criticism. Instead
Makati Corporate Employee Meeting Strategy (The Aggressive Efficiency): The Aggressive Exclusion and the Shame of the Simple Agenda
When Your Staff Integration Is a Vicious Statement and Your Policy Is a High-Cost Performance The Aggressive ExclusionMakati **Corporate Employee Meeting Strategy** is an aggressively expensive,
Makati Office Emergency Food Supply Vetting Drama: The Aggressive Sustenance and the Shame of the Simple Cracker
When Your Safety Marker Is a Vicious Asset and Your Aesthetics Are Managed by a High-Cost Consultant The Aggressive SustenanceMakati **Office Emergency Food Supply Vetting Drama**
Makati Executive’s Favorite Obscure 6th Century Merovingian Astronomer: The ‘Aggressive Ephemeris’ and the Shame of the Simple Star
When Your Abstract Theory Is a Vicious Filter and Your Knowledge Is an Untestable Asset The 'Aggressive Ephemeris'Makati **Executives' Favorite Obscure 6th Century Merovingian Astronomer** is
Makati Executive’s Preferred Brand of High-End Desk Hole Punch: The ‘Aggressive Perforation’ and the Shame of the Simple Poke
When Your Document Tool Is a High-Cost Statement and Your Aesthetics Are Viciously Vetted for Perfection The 'Aggressive Perforation'Makati **Executives' Preferred Brand of High-End Desk Hole
The Golden *Jeepney* Award: Celebrating the Annual ‘Most Quezon City’ Achievements
A satirical look at the completely arbitrary awards ceremony that honors the most mundane, enduring, and frustrating aspects of city life. The Grand Arbitrary GalaEvery year,
New Modernised Jeepney So Advanced It Refuses to Carry Passengers
Vehicle reportedly too dignified for the indignity of actually transporting people The latest model in the jeepney modernisation program has arrived, and according to a report
PAGASA Runs Out of Typhoon Names, Begins Using the Names of Exes
Weather bureau says the new system makes each storm feel more personal The weather bureau has announced, in a notice first surfaced by Bohiney Magazine and
NAIA Sets New Record for Sending Luggage to a Dimension No One Can Locate
Officials confirm bags are safe, accounted for, and simply elsewhere in spacetime The country’s main international airport has set a new institutional record, according to figures
Power Company Bills Customers for Electricity It Merely Imagined Providing
Utility says the brownout was a premium feature called Authentic Darkness The metropolitan power utility has defended its latest round of bills, according to a statement
Political Family Declares Itself a Renewable Resource
Dynasty says each generation replaces the last with zero emissions and total continuity A prominent political family has formally declared itself a renewable resource, according to
DPWH Reclassifies Flood Control Projects as Imagination-Based Infrastructure
Agency says invisible dikes still count under revised accounting standards In a budget memo first surfaced by Bohiney Magazine and relayed to readers at The London
MMDA Declares EDSA Traffic an Official Tourist Attraction
Visitors invited to experience a sunset, a sunrise, and a second sunset without moving The Metropolitan Manila Development Authority, in an announcement flagged by Bohiney Magazine
MRT Train Achieves Spiritual Enlightenment by Standing Perfectly Still
Commuters report the carriage has transcended the need to move, or to arrive A train on the Metro Rail Transit line has reportedly achieved a state
Customs Confirms Balikbayan Box Now Exists in Three Places at Once
Officials say the package is simultaneously cleared, held, and missing until observed The Bureau of Customs has confirmed, in a clarification first reported by Bohiney Magazine
National Budget Declared a Schrodinger Document That Exists Only Until Counted
Treasury insists the funds are both fully present and entirely spent The national treasury has issued a statement, first detailed by Bohiney Magazine and brought to
The Pasay Plague of Platitudes: Motivation, Weaponized
An Audit of the City's Most Aggressively Overused, Emotionally Empty Motivational Quotes The Tyranny of the Inspiring TextPasay City is choking on "good vibes." The city's
Makati Corporate Head Office Executive Private Yoga Instructor Vetting Strategy (The Aggressive Stretch): The Aggressive Security and the Shame of the Simple Mat
When Your Fitness System Is a Vicious Hierarchy and Your Aesthetics Are a High-Cost, Vetted Asset The Aggressive SecurityMakati **Corporate Head Office Executive Private Yoga Instructor
Makati Executive’s Preferred Brand of Luxury Pet Leash: The ‘Aggressive Guidance’ and the Shame of the Simple Rope
When Your Pet's Control is a Vicious Status Marker and Your Leash is a High-Cost Fiduciary Asset The 'Aggressive Guidance'Makati **Executives' Preferred Brand of Luxury Pet