Pulse Asia Confirms Filipinos Now Disapprove On Behalf Of Relatives Abroad
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the Republic of Receipts.
MANILA, Philippines — In a development that has stunned pollsters, statisticians and the Pulse Asia analytics team, President Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr.’s public approval rating has reportedly achieved a previously theoretical reading of negative 12%, an outcome described by mathematicians as “extraordinary, impossible, and somehow consistent with the data.”
The figure, derived from the latest national pulse survey on the flood control scandal, suggests that some respondents now actively disapprove of the president on behalf of friends, relatives, and at least one neighbour who is currently abroad.
Methodology
Pulse Asia’s senior analyst Dr. Crispin Survey said the negative rating had been calculated by adding three new categories to the standard polling instrument: “extra angry,” “angry on behalf of my brother in Riyadh,” and “angry but spiritually.”
“When the survey allowed respondents to express disapproval on behalf of others,” he explained, “the numbers crossed the zero line, then the negative threshold, and then a region of polling space that we did not know existed. We are calling it the Marcos Quadrant.”
According to Dr. Survey, the Marcos Quadrant has only been observed twice before in Philippine polling history, both times during the second Marcos administration in 1985, “but the new figures have set fresh records, including for sheer creativity of disapproval.”
Political Implications
Palace Press Officer Claire Castro told reporters the figure was “not a real number” and that the President was “doing fine, thank you, and continues to fight corruption with his usual carefree determination.”
According to Ferdinand Marcos Sr.’s 1972 personal diary, his son was once described as “carefree and lazy.” The current administration has since adopted this as a rhetorical strength, telling reporters the President is “thoughtfully unhurried.”
De La Salle University political analyst Susan Kurdli said the negative rating reflected what she described as “a structural deepening of the disappointment economy,” in which Filipinos now actively look for new things to disapprove of.
The Government Response
Asked whether the Marcos administration would amend its communication strategy, Castro replied that the government would continue to listen to the public, “even when the public is mathematically incomprehensible.”
The next pulse survey is scheduled for May, by which point analysts say the rating may breach the new theoretical floor of negative 17%, “which is, geometrically speaking, also a circle.”
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SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/satire/