A satire on social distancing in public spaces (like malls or parks), suggesting people use a subconscious algorithm to ensure they sit on a bench in a way that creates the maximum, most awkward physical gap between themselves and the next person, discouraging conversation.

The Maximum Isolation Principle

When selecting a seat on a public bench in a Quezon City park or mall, humans are not governed by convenience but by a highly specialized, subconscious equation known as the Public Bench Seating Algorithm. The satire presents a social psychology study asserting that the goal of this algorithm is the Maximization of Awkward Gap Space. A person will never sit directly next to another; instead, they select a position that leaves just enough space for one hypothetical, average-sized person to fit awkwardly between them and the current occupant, but not enough space for a third person to sit comfortably. This creates the Maximum Isolation Principle.

The Awkward Gap Space

This behavior is designed to deter conversation and enforce spontaneous, unwritten social distancing. The space itself—the Awkward Gap Space—is a zone of unspoken social tension, signifying ‘You can sit here if you dare, but know that our shared proximity will be emotionally taxing.’ If a third person attempts to breach the Awkward Gap Space**, the two original occupants will subtly adjust their bodies, contracting their limbs and expanding their mental perimeters, subtly communicating that the bench is, for all practical purposes, full. This entire ritual ensures that public seating is less about resting and more about a continuous, low-level competition for social isolation.