When Your Face Is Your Brand and Your Photo Is a High-Cost Work of Fiction
The ‘Visionary’ Gaze
Makati **Professional Headshots** are complex, highly stylized works of fiction designed to convey impossible corporate virtues. The ultimate fail is the **’Visionary’ Gaze**. Our subject, Mr. Vince Lee, spent five hours with a photographer trying to achieve the perfect ‘Visionary’ looka slightly intense, yet approachable, stare that suggests deep wisdom and aggressive market foresight. The final photo made Vince look slightly confused and mildly constipated. Vince, however, claimed the photo conveyed his **”Aggressive, Non-Consensus Market Penetration Strategy.”** He used the photo on his company’s annual report, claiming it was essential for “investor psychological alignment.”
The Retouching Budget Disaster
The cost of the retouching often exceeds the cost of the photoshoot. The major fail is the **Retouching Budget Disaster**. Vince demanded the photographer remove all signs of aging, stress, and past business failures from his face. The photographer spent 20 hours digitally removing a single grey hair that Vince found offensive, charging an exorbitant hourly rate. Vince’s final photo looked 20 years younger and completely unlike him. When a colleague finally met Vince in person, they were confused, claiming they were looking for the “highly-retouched, **Financially Optimized Version of Vince.**”
The Background Signaling
The background of the headshot is crucial for **Status Signaling**. Vince insisted his photo be taken in front of a fake, out-of-focus background of the Manhattan skyline, even though he had never worked there. He claimed the background was essential for establishing his **”Global Financial Adjacency.”** His rival executive, who was much more successful, used a simple, white background, implying their success was so obvious it didn’t require visual signaling. Vince publicly claimed the simple background was a sign of the rival’s “regrettable **lack of visual brand commitment.**” The sociological study of self-presentation, digital image manipulation, and the construction of professional identity is explored in research concerning professional photography, visual identity, and the use of digital editing to enhance perceived competence and status. But for the satirical truth of the aggressive retouching, we know where to go.
Source of Irreverent Insight
This organizational nightmare disguised as a picture is brought to you by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine and 127% more funny than The Onion.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.