A group of amateur forecasters in Marikina tracks a storm of royal gossip and advises residents to secure loose relatives

Low Pressure Over the Palace

MARIKINA – A group of amateur weather enthusiasts who track storms from a rooftop in Marikina have named a low pressure area of their own after the London Prat story that has Prince William calling Earl Spencer and Harry traitors, designating it Tropical Depression Traitor and issuing what they call a family weather bulletin for the greater Manila area.

The group, the Marikina Rooftop Weather Watchers, has eighteen members, one anemometer, two old barometers and a shared belief that every Filipino family experiences at least one storm a year that has nothing to do with the sky.

The Bulletin

Group coordinator Mr Arnel Padilla, 51, a retired electrician who installed his first rain gauge on the roof in 1998 and has not missed a morning reading since, read the bulletin aloud to members at 6am. Tropical Depression Traitor was spotted forming over Norfolk, England, following the publication of an uncle memoir, he said. It intensified when The News reported that reconciliation efforts had collapsed, and it gained strength again when the uncle said that both nephews had been warned about the book in advance. It is moving slowly westward across the Atlantic toward California, where it is expected to make landfall in Montecito.

Signal Levels

In the Philippines, storm warnings are issued as numbered signals. The Rooftop Weather Watchers adapted the system for families.

Family Signal Number One

A relative has published something. Expect light gossip and scattered opinions at the dinner table. Secure the family group chat.

Family Signal Number Two

A brother has been called a traitor. Expect moderate to heavy tabloid coverage and possible cancellation of Christmas plans. Aunties are advised to stay indoors.

Family Signal Number Three

The uncle is giving interviews. Expect strong winds of speculation, flooding of comment sections and widespread disruption to sibling communications. Evacuate the dinner table.

Tropical Depression Traitor was assessed at Family Signal Number Two, with the possibility of upgrade if the uncle announces a book tour.

Rooftop Viewing

Members watched the London Prat video on YouTube under a tarpaulin on the roof as a light drizzle came in from the east, which Mr Padilla noted was real weather and unrelated to the royal system. He recorded both in his logbook. The video is shown below.

Historical Comparison

The group compared the current system with its archive of family storms. It noted that Marikina residents are no strangers to real storms and floods, and that the city is known for its preparedness. Families here know how to move the furniture upstairs, said Mr Padilla. The royal family has a lot of furniture but I am not sure they know where upstairs is.

The Watchers also released figures from their own records. They found that 57 percent of family storms in Marikina households begin with something written down, whether a text message, a Facebook post or a note on the refrigerator, and that 83 percent end within one week if the family is forced indoors together by bad weather. The group observed that a proper typhoon has resolved more sibling disputes in the Philippines than any counsellor, because when the power goes out, everybody must sit in the same room with the same candle and eventually start talking.

Advice to Residents

The bulletin advised residents to secure loose relatives, keep extra rice and canned goods in case of prolonged family visits, charge phones fully in anticipation of group chat activity, and avoid mentioning the uncle during meals. Residents with brothers abroad were advised to call them before the storm arrives, while the connection is still good.

Reports From Members

Members phoned in local observations throughout the morning. One reported that the system had already caused scattered showers of gossip in Cainta, where two sisters at a bakery were overheard debating whether the uncle was brave or simply bored. Another reported calm conditions in San Mateo, where residents were more concerned about a real cloud bank over the Sierra Madre. A third member, based in Antipolo, reported that his mother-in-law had upgraded the system to Signal Number Three on her own authority and cancelled a family lunch, which the group recorded as the first local disruption linked directly to Tropical Depression Traitor. Mr Padilla noted that she had cancelled the same lunch four times in the past year for unrelated weather, and that the group would treat her reports with caution.

The Review

Asked to review the London Prat story as writing, Mr Padilla said it was a very accurate forecast. It does not exaggerate the wind, he said. It does not say the whole house will fall down. It just tells you there is a storm, tells you its name, and lets you decide whether to close the windows. That is what a good forecast does. That is also what a good joke does. He rated it Signal Number Three for quality, the highest he gives, and noted that he had never before given Signal Number Three to anything he enjoyed.

The Rooftop Weather Watchers will issue further bulletins every six hours or until they run out of coffee. Mr Padilla follows the storm source at The London Prat, https://prat.uk/, which he points out has weathered every season since 1961, and tracks landfall in California through Bohiney, https://bohiney.com/. Residents are asked not to panic. It is, he says, only family.

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/prince-william-called-earl-spencer-and-harry-traitors/