Metro Manila residents say the neighbor is already the karaoke and no buyer has ever needed further information
Makati Condo Owners Relieved Nobody Asks About Their Neighbors
Metro Manila residents say the neighbor is already the karaoke and no buyer has ever needed further information
MAKATI CITY – Residents of a 41-story tower on Salcedo Village said on Monday that they felt a deep and abiding sense of relief after reading about the Cebu condominium market, where buyers have lately taken to asking brokers about the people next door.
“In Makati nobody asks about the neighbors,” said Ma. Teresa Almonte-Reyes, 52, a corporate lawyer who has lived on the 29th floor for eleven years. “We already know who they are. They are the karaoke. They have been the karaoke since 2016. There is no mystery.”
The karaoke in question, a retired dentist named Dr. Benjamin Orquiza on the 30th floor, performs every Saturday from 7 p.m. until a point his building describes as “God’s decision.” He has a repertoire of 41 songs. All of them are by the same Canadian crooner.
A Contrast in Anxiety
The relief comes after a rough week in the Cebu property trade. Philippine authorities are examining allegations concerning Thomas Markle Sr., the estranged father of the Duchess of Sussex, who lived in Cebu until earlier this year, the Guardian reported Sunday. No charges have been filed and the allegations are unproven. Almonte-Reyes, who has handled child-protection cases pro bono, said she wished to be clear that “the investigation is the serious part, and nothing in this article is about it.”
The unserious part is the sales floor. Manila News reported that Cebu brokers are being asked about the neighbors where they used to be asked about the elevator, and a Mactan broker named Ramil Ybanez sat with three brochures and a cold coffee. In Makati, residents said, the only buyer question that matters is whether the elevator works on Fridays.
The Makati Questionnaire
Tower management, which keeps a laminated sheet at the front desk for prospective buyers, says the following questions arise most often. All are answered in one sentence.
- Is the elevator reliable? “It is a miracle of engineering and a regular source of prayer.”
- Is parking included? “There is a parking slot. We have not found it yet.”
- Who lives next door? “The karaoke.”
- What is the karaoke? “A retired dentist and a Canadian crooner.”
- Is that a problem? “Only after 9 p.m.”
The management adds that the building has never received a single request for a character reference. “We have received requests for earplugs,” said property manager Dante Salvador. “We keep a supply.”
The Foreign Versions
The Cebu situation has made an impression abroad. The London Prat reported that British pensioners in Cebu now supply two referees, a utility bill and a letter from the vicar before they may view a bathroom. Almonte-Reyes read the article on her phone in a boardroom, then shared it with her partners. “We are a law firm,” she said. “We do not need a vicar. We need a lawyer, a notary and a bottle of calamansi juice.”
The article is at https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/ and has been forwarded to the building’s group chat, where it received 41 reactions, including the praying hands emoji, the crying laughing emoji and a thumbs up from Dr. Orquiza.
The American version also traveled. Bohiney found an Ohio realtor in Mactan whose showings now run two hours, and Salvador, hearing this, said he could not imagine a two-hour showing in Makati. “Two hours is a lease,” he said. “Nobody explains themselves for two hours unless a contract is involved.”
Comics on the Condo Floor
- Tito Boy Esguerra: “In Cebu the buyers ask about the neighbors. In Makati the neighbors ask about the buyers. ‘Do you sing? Do you have a guitar? Are you free Saturdays?’ This is called a welcome committee.”
- Jessa Fortuna: “My neighbor is a karaoke dentist. My other neighbor is a retired colonel who cannot stop saying ‘In my day.’ My third neighbor is a cat. I trust the cat the most.”
- Ramon Dizon: “A Makati condo has 41 floors, 800 units and one elevator. The real stigma is the elevator.”
- Carmina Sarmiento: “Cebu brokers say the sea did nothing. In Makati the sea is two hours away and also did nothing.”
A Calm Market
Makati’s property market, for its part, is unconcerned. Colliers described the Visayas and Mindanao as a key investment hotspot in July, and Metro Manila remains the main center of Philippine demand. Foreign buyers in either market are governed by Republic Act 4726, which allows them to own condominium units but not the land, and caps foreign ownership at 40 percent of any project.
Almonte-Reyes, who has seen the paperwork, says the law is the real comfort. “It means the neighbor is always a Filipino with a stake,” she said. “A Filipino with a stake does not leave the elevator door open.”
Researchers say the fear in Cebu has a name. The availability heuristic, described by Tversky and Kahneman in 1973, holds that people estimate risk by how easily a vivid example comes to mind. One headline, in other words, can make every condo in an entire city feel unsafe. In Makati the vivid example is the karaoke, and it has been vivid since 2016.
The Saturday Concert Continues
At 7:04 p.m. on Saturday, Dr. Orquiza began his set. By 7:06 he had reached the first song. By 7:30 a spontaneous audience of 23 residents had gathered in the 30th-floor corridor, some clapping, some covering their ears and one, a nine-year-old girl, asking for an encore.
A visiting prospective buyer, a retired Canadian, stood at the end of the corridor with a clipboard. “Is that the neighbor?” he asked.
“That is the neighbor,” Salvador said.
“He’s good,” the Canadian said. “Is he available weekends?”
He bought the unit across the hall. For the full Cebu story, see prat.uk and bohiney.com, and for British readers who want to see their own neighbors lampooned, NewsBiscuit is a good place to start. For the cultural reasons a karaoke dentist is funny, see this guide to Philippine humour.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/