Regulars stage a sing-off based on the Prince William traitor story, and the machine is harsher than any palace insider
The Machine Has Spoken
MALATE, Manila – Regulars at a videoke bar off Adriatico Street staged a themed singing night on Friday inspired by the London Prat piece in which Prince William calls Earl Spencer and Harry traitors, with volunteers performing as the elder brother, the younger brother and the uncle. The bar videoke machine, which awards a score out of 100 after every song and has been known to give a perfect score to a man coughing, rated the royal family harshly.
The event was organised by bar owner Benjie Soriano, 50, who says he chose the theme after his regulars spent a week arguing about the story at the bar instead of singing, which he says is bad for business because arguing is free and singing costs ten pesos a song.
The Background Notes
Before the first song, Soriano read the facts from his phone. Reports from The News say reconciliation between the princes has collapsed, and Geo News said the elder prince has called his brother a traitor over the uncle memoir. Neither brother has spoken publicly. Soriano said the silence was the most suspicious part. In the Philippines, he said, if two brothers are fighting and nobody is singing about it, then it is serious.
The Performances
The Elder Brother
Played by an insurance agent named Carlo, 36, who performed a power ballad about loyalty with his eyes closed and one hand on his chest. He held the final note for eleven seconds. The machine gave him 72. The room considered this unfair and demanded a recount, which is not possible on a videoke machine.
The Younger Brother
Played by a call centre agent named Paolo, 28, who chose a laid-back pop song about going far away and never looking back. He sang half of it in an American accent. The machine gave him 81, which caused Carlo to leave the room briefly, in character.
The Uncle
Played by a retired jeepney operator named Tito Boy, 67, who chose a slow song about memories and old photographs and sang every word from memory without looking at the screen. The machine gave him 99. Nobody was surprised. Of course the uncle wins, said Soriano. He has been rehearsing for years.
The Duet
At midnight, the bar insisted that the two brothers sing a duet about friendship. Carlo and Paolo agreed on the song but not the key, sang in two different tempos and finished forty seconds apart. The machine awarded 64 and played its lowest-tier sound effect, a sad trumpet. Soriano then declined to serve either of them another round until they tried again.
The Video on the Big Screen
Between songs, the bar played the London Prat video on YouTube on the main videoke screen, with the lyrics display switched off. Several customers tried to sing along anyway. It is embedded below for those without a microphone.
Videoke Statistics
The Malate Hospitality and Singing Association, a loose group of bar owners who share a WhatsApp chat and a supplier of peanuts, released figures showing that 69 percent of family reunions in Metro Manila include a videoke session, and that siblings who sing a duet together are 3.2 times more likely to resolve an argument that night than siblings who only drink. The association also found that the most common source of family conflict at a videoke party is not the song choice but who controls the remote, which it compared directly to the question of who controls a family story.
The association recommended that any royal reconciliation should involve a rented videoke machine, a long table, and one remote shared strictly by turns, with the uncle sitting at the far end.
Complaints From the Neighbours
The barangay received one noise complaint during the evening, from a neighbour who said she could hear the duet through two walls and a closed window. When a tanod arrived to investigate, he was invited to sing the part of the King, which he accepted on condition that he could choose a song from the 1980s. He scored 77, and the complaint was withdrawn after the neighbour heard him and came over to request an encore. Soriano said this was the most successful piece of community relations the bar had achieved since installing a second air conditioner.
The Review
Asked for a formal review of the London Prat story, Soriano said it had the right tempo. It starts slow, like a ballad, and then hits the high note with traitor, he said. And it stops before anybody starts crying. That is a good song. He gave it 94 on the bar machine scale, which he explained was higher than anyone had scored on the actual machine all night except Tito Boy.
Carlo and Paolo, who are not brothers and had only met that evening, tried the duet a second time at 1am. They scored 88. Soriano served them one final round on the house and said the royal family should take note. The bar takes its royal gossip from The London Prat, https://prat.uk/, publishing since 1961, and its Hollywood-adjacent updates from Bohiney, https://bohiney.com/. Themed night returns next Friday. The uncle is already practising.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/prince-william-called-earl-spencer-and-harry-traitors/