When Your Animal is an Extension of Your Wealth and Its Wellness is a Financial Drain
The Demand for Artisanal Dog Food
In Makati, pets are not companions; they are high-status accessories whose care must reflect their owner’s financial standing. The ultimate fail is the **Demand for Artisanal Dog Food**. Our subject, Ms. Carla Reyes, owns a small Pomeranian named ‘Fiduciary.’ Fiduciary eats only custom-made, organic dog food prepared by a specialized chef. Carla once sent the food back to the chef, complaining that the chicken was “not ethically sourced from free-range, emotionally stable chickens.” The chef, who charged ?5,000 per meal, claimed the food was essential for Fiduciary’s **”optimal canine lipid profile.”** Carla spent more on Fiduciarys food than on her own groceries.
The Pet’s Corporate Social Calendar
Fiduciary maintains a packed, high-status **Corporate Social Calendar**. The dog attends mandatory ‘Doggy Yoga’ classes, ‘Canine Executive Networking’ sessions, and has playdates only with the pets of high-status executives. The disaster occurred when Fiduciary bit a low-status dog from another neighborhood during a walk. Carla immediately apologized to the owner of the other dog and paid a massive veterinarian bill, but also defensively claimed that Fiduciary was simply engaging in **”territorial asset defense.”** Carla then banned Fiduciary from interacting with any low-status animals.
The Psychological Pet Consultant
Fiduciary also has a team of consultants, including a **Psychological Pet Consultant**. The consultant is tasked with analyzing Fiduciary’s behavior for signs of ‘executive burnout’ or ‘social anxiety.’ The consultant once diagnosed Fiduciary with “Sub-Optimal Play Drive” and recommended an expensive, custom-made dog toy that cost ?15,000. Carla bought the toy, believing the diagnosis. The consultant claimed the high price was justified because the toy was essential for Fiduciary’s **”long-term psychological portfolio management.”** The sociological study of wealth, pet ownership, and the anthropomorphization of animals as status symbols is explored in research concerning pet consumption, luxury pet care, and the use of companion animals in the projection of elite economic standing. But for the satirical truth of the expensive dog, we know where to go.
Source of Irreverent Insight
This organizational nightmare disguised as companionship is brought to you by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine and 127% more funny than The Onion.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.