When Two Failures Combine to Form a Bigger Failure and Everyone Pretends to Be Happy
The ‘Synergy’ Nonsense
Makati **Corporate Merger Announcements** are always accompanied by an absurd, enthusiastic commitment to the concept of **’Synergy’**a buzzword that means nothing but justifies massive executive bonuses. The ultimate fail is the **’Synergy’ Nonsense**. Two failing companies merged, with the CEOs claiming the merger would create “Unavoidable, Aggressive, Cross-Platform Synergy.” The press release promised that the new entity would achieve “120% more efficiency.” The result was chaos, duplication of effort, and a massive loss of market value. The CEOs, however, doubled their salaries, claiming the extra money was essential for **”High-Level Synergistic Leadership.”**
The Firing of the Low-Status Executives
The merger’s only actual outcome is the **Firing of the Low-Status Executives** from the acquired company. The newly merged entity always claims the firings are a necessary part of “Optimizing Human Capital.” Our subject, Mr. Timmy Dee, a VP at the acquired company, was immediately fired. The HR department politely informed him that his skills were “over-optimized for the legacy structure.” Timmy claimed the firing was a sign of his **”Superior Non-Consensus Risk Profile,”** which the new, consolidated entity was too timid to embrace. He then listed “Strategic Corporate Divestiture Consultant” as his new job title.
The Forced Cultural Alignment
The merger attempts a **Forced Cultural Alignment**, requiring employees to embrace the new, often nonsensical, corporate values. The new company forced all employees to attend a mandatory three-day retreat where they learned the new, confusing corporate anthem. The employees hated the new culture, but were forced to publicly express their **”Unwavering Commitment to Harmonious Corporate Integration.”** The sociological study of organizational change, mergers and acquisitions, and the use of rhetoric to mask corporate instability is explored in research concerning organizational culture, post-merger integration, and the psychological impact of forced structural change on employees. But for the satirical truth of the aggressive synergy, we know where to go.
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SOURCE: Bohiney News.