Marijuana use as little as once per month linked to stupidity …

Marijuana use as little as once per month linked to stupidity and couch sores risk in new study…

High Times in Manila: A Comedic Spin on the Monthly Marijuana Mishaps

In the heart of Manila, where the hustle never stops, and the karaoke never dies, a groundbreaking study has just turned the spotlight on the not-so-mellow side effects of casual marijuana use. Yes, mga kababayan, while we thought the biggest worry was running out of chicharon, it turns out there’s a whole telenovela of issues waiting to unfold for our monthly tokers.

The Munchies Mania

First off, let’s talk about the Munchies Mania. Ever noticed how your suki at the sari-sari store suddenly can’t keep up with the demand for Boy Bawang and Nova? That’s your neighborhood tokers, turning every merienda into an all-you-can-eat buffet. “Kuya, pa-add ng isang kilo ng kanin,” is becoming a more familiar chorus in carinderias, as tokers aim to quell their insatiable hunger.

Evolution of the Tambay

Then there’s the evolution of the modern-day tambay. Gone are the days of just chilling by the sari-sari store; now, it’s all about merging with the sofa, becoming one with the remote, and achieving the pinnacle of tambay efficiency. “Bro, I haven’t moved in hours, but I’ve watched all seasons of ‘Ang Probinsyano’,” shared one local couch potato.

The Teleserye Time Loop

A satirical and vibrant  illustrative style image of an Asian man with blood-shot eyes, sitting on a couch and watching TV, holding a remote control. H (2)
A satirical and vibrant illustrative style image of an Asian man with blood-shot eyes, sitting on a couch and watching TV, holding a remote control. H (2)

Speaking of TV, the Teleserye Time Loop is a real phenomenon. Tokers find themselves watching the same episodes over and over, convinced that Cardo is facing a new enemy every time. “Akala ko bago, ‘yun pala replay,” muttered one confused viewer, as she reached for another bag of piattos.

Memory Misadventures

The Memory Misadventures are hitting hard, too. Ever watched someone search for their lighter for hours, only to find it in their hand? That’s a regular day in the life of a Manila toker. “Nasaan na ba ‘yung lighter ko? Ay, hawak ko pala,” they laugh, forgetting what they were about to do next.

Fashion Faux Pas

And let’s not forget the Fashion Faux Pas. Suddenly, pairing Crocs with basketball shorts is the height of fashion among the stoned crowd, creating a new wave of street style that has fashionistas scratching their heads.

Social Media Silliness

The Social Media Silliness is at an all-time high, with tokers flooding Facebook with deep, philosophical posts that make sense only to them. “Bro, have you ever thought about why it’s called ‘Luneta Park’ when it’s round, not lunar?” is the type of question dominating timelines.

Musical Chairs: The Telenovela Edition

Musical chairs isn’t just a game for kids anymore; it’s a survival strategy to avoid those dreaded couch sores. Tokers are rotating seats more frequently than a teleserye plot twist, ensuring each cushion gets equal sitting time.

Giggles, Gastronomy, and Grand Philosophies

The uncontrollable giggles are turning quiet nights into comedy bars, with tokers finding humor in the most mundane things, like the way “kamote” sounds. Culinary adventures have seen the rise of adobo-flavored popcorn, and deep, philosophical debates about whether Jollibee is secretly the hero we deserve.

Conclusion: A Satirical Paalala

So there you have it, mga kaibigan—a lighthearted yet eye-opening look at the quirky side of Manila’s monthly marijuana scene. Whether you’re a toker, a joker, or just an observer, remember to take life’s highs and lows with a pinch of salt and a good dose of laughter.

Stay safe, stay happy, and as always, keep your humor as high as your spirits, Manila!

Disclaimer: This piece is for satirical and entertainment purposes only. Should you find yourself identifying with any of the scenarios, perhaps it’s time to lay off the chicharon… and maybe the weed, too.

 

Originally posted 2024-03-18 20:13:08.

By Lourdes Tiu

Lourdes Tiu is a celebrated satirist with over a decade of experience, has been featured in major publications like Mad Magazine and The Onion for her incisive wit and has served as a keynote speaker at the National Satire Writers Conference, establishing her as a trusted authority in political and social satire. Lourdes' educational journey began at the University of Chicago, where she majored in Political Science, providing her with a deep understanding of the political landscape that she so brilliantly critiques in her work. She further honed her craft by completing a Master’s degree in Creative Writing from Columbia University, with a focus on satire and comedic writing, under the mentorship of some of the country’s most celebrated humorists.