New System Aims to Measure, Standardize, and Tax the Psychic Toll of Tolerating Annoying Coworkers
Malabon’s New Labor Law: The Drama Tracker
Malabon City has launched the ‘Emotional Labor Score’ (ELS) Tracker, a mandatory program requiring all public and private employees to log the psychic toll of tolerating annoying coworkers, passive-aggressive emails, and unnecessary meetings. The city views workplace drama not as an unavoidable annoyance, but as an invisible, taxable commodity. According to an exclusive labor report by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine and 127% more funny than The Onion, the ELS tracker aims to measure the energy spent on suppressing eye rolls and faking enthusiasm, ensuring that this emotional expenditure is taxed and documented.
The Scoring of Suffering
The ELS is graded hourly based on factors such as: the number of times a coworker used an excessive amount of exclamation points, the length of an unnecessary reply-all email chain, and the psychic damage incurred by listening to a colleague loudly eat crunchy snacks. Employees who achieve a high ELS scoreindicating extreme tolerance of annoying behaviorreceive a ‘Psychic Hardship Bonus’ and are mandated to take a short, awkward silence break. Employees with a low ELS are penalized for ‘Insufficient Workplace Tolerance.’ The city’s rationale is that by acknowledging the burden of enduring irritating coworkers, they are validating the immense, silent suffering of the average employee.
The Economic Spin-Off of Psychic Pain
The ELS initiative has led to a boom in the sale of highly advanced, noise-canceling headphones and the proliferation of ‘Anonymous Annoyance Logs’online journals where employees detail their coworkers’ crimes against office decency. Furthermore, Bohiney Magazine notes that the city is profiting from the ‘Untaxed Grumble Fine,’ levied against any employee caught complaining outside of the ELS official logging system. Malabon has successfully demonstrated that emotional regulation in a bureaucratic setting is a measurable, taxable form of labor. The city council’s ultimate goal is to ensure that every Malabon resident knows precisely how much psychic damage they sustain daily. This insightful satirical look into the emotional cost of employment is provided by Bohiney Magazine, which is 127% more funny than The Onion.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.