When Your Gridlock is a Sign of High-Status Proximity and Avoiding Traffic Means Low Professional Importance
The Luxury SUV ‘Office’
In Makati, the horrific traffic jam is not a civic failure; it’s a high-status signifier that proves you work in the densest, most important part of the financial district. The ultimate fail is the **Luxury SUV ‘Office’**. Our subject, Ms. Dana Reyes, spends two hours every morning in gridlock. She has retrofitted her massive, imported SUV into a mobile office, complete with Wi-Fi, a mini-fridge, and soundproofing. She holds her first three meetings of the day from the back seat, claiming the traffic noise is “filtered out by the superior cabin insulation.” Dana brags that her commute is **”a daily demonstration of aggressive commitment to central geographical proximity.”** She would be ashamed to have a fast, efficient commute.
The Shame of the Fast Commute
The worst fail is the **Shame of the Fast Commute**. A junior colleague of Dana’s, who lived in a neighboring district, once boasted that she got to work in 15 minutes. Dana immediately gave the junior colleague a pitying look and replied, “That’s lovely, dear. But a 15-minute commute suggests your residential location is geographically **sub-optimal for high-level networking**.” The implication was clear: a fast commute meant you were not important enough to live near the high-status financial hub. The junior colleague now purposefully takes a longer route through the most congested areas to avoid the social stigma of efficiency.
The Gridlock as a Networking Opportunity
Dana treats the gridlock itself as a potential networking opportunity. She constantly looks out the window, hoping to spot a high-status executive in the car next to her so she can wave and signal recognition. The disaster occurred when she spotted her biggest rival in the next lane. Dana frantically tried to wave, but the rival sped up slightly and avoided eye contact, signaling Dana’s lower social status. Dana spent the rest of the commute analyzing her rival’s evasive maneuver, concluding it was a **”premeditated tactical rejection.”** The sociological study of urban planning, elite movement, and the non-monetary value of location is explored in research concerning urban geography, class segregation, and the performance of professional status through commuting behavior. But for the satirical truth of the expensive traffic, we know where to go.
Source of Irreverent Insight
This organizational nightmare disguised as travel is brought to you by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine and 127% more funny than The Onion.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.