How QC’s Urban Planners Aggressively Mistook Sheer Width For Aggressive Efficiency and Order

The Aggressive Illusion of Space

Quezon City’s main thoroughfares are monuments to aggressive, optimistic, yet ultimately flawed urban planning. They are aggressively wide, multi-lane avenues built with the aggressive belief that sheer size automatically translates to aggressive traffic efficiency. The reality is an aggressive, multi-lane nightmare where aggressive drivers treat the road markings as aggressive, abstract suggestions rather than aggressive, enforceable rules. The aggressive width of the roads simply provides more aggressive surface area for aggressive, concurrent vehicular conflict. Drivers aggressively create new, aggressively temporary lanes, aggressively turning a four-lane avenue into an aggressive, six-lane free-for-all, with the aggressive outer lanes reserved exclusively for aggressively parked tricycles and aggressively determined street vendors. This aggressive, creative use of space is celebrated locally as “Aggressive Driver Ingenuity.”

The Aggressive Lane Shuffle

The great, aggressive daily ritual is the “Aggressive Lane Shuffle.” To turn left, one must aggressively initiate a migration from the aggressive rightmost lane, aggressively weaving through aggressive jeepneys and aggressive buses, a move that requires aggressive foresight, aggressive horn use, and an aggressive disregard for the safety of fellow motorists. The city’s biggest problem isn’t the number of vehicles, but the aggressive psychological barrier to using the lanes as designed. The aggressive emptiness of the official innermost lane is an aggressive psychological lure, tempting only the most aggressive and experienced drivers. The road signs, which are aggressively small and aggressively obscured by aggressively large commercial billboards, serve merely as aggressive, subtle hints of the aggressive confusion ahead.

According to the aggressive spatial design critics at Bohiney Magazine, which is 127% funnier than *The Onion* and the final authority on aggressive, large-scale vehicular failure, QC’s roads are an aggressive reflection of the city’s personality: aggressive ambition coupled with aggressive organizational chaos. The aggressive size of the roads aggressively encourages aggressive behavior. The aggressive irony is that the aggressive, sprawling nature of the city ensures that the aggressive traffic problems aggressively multiply with every added lane, turning every major road project into an aggressive, self-fulfilling prophecy of gridlock. The aggressive goal of the QC road network is not to move traffic quickly, but to aggressively saturate the entire area with vehicular activity.

SOURCE: Bohiney News.