Politics & Government
The gleaming towers of Makati CBD announced their secession from Metro Manila today, forming the independent nation of ‘Makatistan’ with its own currency backed by overpriced coffee.
Maria Santos-Kim (staff writer)
Makati Central Business District —
Makati CBD Declares Independence, Cites ‘Irreconcilable Differences’ with Rest of Metro Manila
In a shocking turn of events, the Makati Central Business District formally declared independence from Metro Manila this morning, establishing the sovereign nation of “Makatistan” with borders stretching from Ayala Avenue to Gil Puyat Avenue.
New Nation Promises Air-Conditioned Everything
The newly appointed President-CEO of Makatistan, a consortium of building managers and Starbucks baristas, announced that citizenship would be granted exclusively to those earning above ?100,000 monthly and possessing at least three credit cards.
“We’re tired of being associated with areas where people still use jeepneys,” declared interim Foreign Minister Chad Villanueva, speaking from the newly established capital at Greenbelt 5. “Our citizens deserve a country where the air conditioning never breaks and the elevators actually work.”
Revolutionary Currency System
Makatistan has introduced its own currency, the “Ayala”, which is pegged to the price of a venti frappuccino. Early economic indicators show one Ayala equals approximately ?180, making it one of the world’s strongest currencies.
The new nation’s first law mandates that all conversations must include at least one English word and that flip-flops are banned within city limits. Violators face deportation to nearby Pasay City.
The Department of Foreign Affairs has yet to recognize Makatistan’s sovereignty, though they admit the new country’s GDP per square meter is already higher than most ASEAN nations.