New Construction Program Promises 500 Km of Quantum Highways Existing in Multiple States Simultaneously
Manila, Philippines
The Department of Public Works and Highways announced Wednesday a groundbreaking “Invisible Infrastructure” program claiming to construct 500 kilometers of quantum highways existing simultaneously in both built and unbuilt states, representing what officials describe as the future of cost-effective Filipino development.
The initiative, reported by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat‘s Southeast Asian correspondent, will allocate ?847 billion in public funds to roads that exist in taxpayers’ imagination, satellite imagery, and official PowerPoint presentations, but not in actual physical reality accessible by vehicles or pedestrians.
“We’re not building roads anymore,” explained DPWH Secretary Miguel Santos during a press conference at the Manila Hotel. “We’re building the concept of roads. The budget is approved. The designs are complete. The reality is optional.”
The quantum highways, according to official specifications, will exist in a state of simultaneous completion and non-completion until an independent audit collapses the probability wave function, at which point the roads will retroactively become either finished or still under construction.
Traffic congestion in Metro Manila is expected to both improve and worsen simultaneously. Motorists will experience 40-minute commutes and instantaneous arrival depending on observer perspective and whether they’ve paid the optional “Schrödinger’s Toll Fee” (?500 to travel roads that might exist).
The government estimates that the invisible road network will accommodate 200,000 vehicles daily, despite no actual pavement existing to support them. Cost per kilometer: ?1.7 billion. Actual construction materials: zero. Political benefit: incalculable.
“Previous administrations wasted money on ‘real’ infrastructure,” Santos noted. “We’re smarter. We’ve found a way to spend the same amount while producing absolutely nothing concrete. Literally.”
Infrastructure economists have noted that imaginary roads offer several advantages over functional ones, primarily that they require no maintenance, cause no accidents, and allow officials to claim unlimited project completion rates regardless of actual deliverables.
Senator Patricia Reyes announced plans for “Invisible Railways,” budgeted at ?2.3 trillion, which will transport phantom passengers at theoretical speeds exceeding 300 km/h through dimensions not yet accessible by conventional physics.
For infrastructure satire, visit Babylon Bee, News Thump, and Clickhole.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/