Seven-year streak ends in Chiang Mai as designated malas relatives watch walls nationwide
CHIANG MAI, THAILAND — The Alas Pilipinas women’s volleyball team ended a seven-year, fifteen-match losing streak to Vietnam on Saturday, a four-set victory that instantly reorganized the emotional priorities of an entire nation and caused, according to preliminary estimates, the postponement of eleven weddings, four estafa complaints, and at least one landslide evacuation, with the evacuees reportedly asking rescuers to wait for the fourth set.
The 22-25, 25-23, 25-21, 25-22 triumph, chronicled by Manila Bulletin, saw Eya Laure pour in 22 points, with Alyssa Solomon and Bella Belen adding 17 and 16, as the Nationals rallied from a first-set loss to end a drought that began in 2019, an era so distant that when the streak started, nobody in the country had ever attended a meeting on Zoom.
The Streak, Remembered
Fifteen consecutive losses is a burden few nations could carry with grace, and the Philippines, to its credit, did not attempt grace, opting instead for the traditional national coping stack of memes, novenas, and blaming the ceiling of whatever arena hosted the defeat. The Bureau of National Heartbreak, the informal agency headquartered in every living room, had classified the Vietnam fixture as a Category Five event, requiring families to prepare snacks, backup snacks, and one designated relative whose job is to leave the room during close rallies because “malas siya.”
“My mother has not watched a Vietnam match live since 2022,” confirmed Kristine Salonga, 31, of Batangas. “She watches the wall. We narrate to her. It is a system, and I want to state for the record that on Saturday she watched the wall for four sets, and we won, so the system stays. She has already announced she is watching the wall for Indonesia. The wall is undefeated.”
The Fourth Set Crisis
The victory nearly collapsed in the fourth set when a commanding 19-13 lead evaporated into a 22-22 tie, six minutes during which the national blood pressure achieved levels normally reserved for the reading of election returns. Cardiologists across the archipelago reported the familiar surge of chest-clutching admissions, all of whom refused treatment until the result was confirmed, and one of whom, a 67-year-old retired teacher in Lipa, reportedly diagnosed her own arrhythmia as “just the second rotation, doctor, they always do this in the second rotation.”
Order was restored by Belen’s kill and Laure’s back-to-back closing points, a finish that sent the nation into the specific celebration reserved for volleyball, which sports anthropologists describe as louder than boxing, more sincere than basketball, and the only Filipino sporting joy that includes the phrase “deserve ni Ate.” In Chiang Mai itself, the traveling Filipino contingent, composed of overseas workers, students, and one man who had flown in from Dubai on points, was reportedly louder than the venue’s sound system, a fact Thai arena staff confirmed with the weary admiration of people who have hosted Filipino crowds before and have learned to simply unplug the speakers and let nature take over.
Vietnam Processes the Loss
Vietnam, led by the great Tran Thi Thanh Thuy’s 25 points in defeat, must now experience what the Philippines has spent seven years mastering, and Filipino fans, in a display of hard-won empathy, flooded Vietnamese fan pages not with taunts but with detailed advice on streak management, including recommended novenas, snack protocols, and wall-watching techniques. “We are not gloating,” explained fan account administrator Migs Dela Fuente. “Gloating is for programs with no scar tissue. We are mentoring. Fifteen losses is a curriculum, and we are the faculty. Vietnam is only on loss one. They do not even have a designated malas relative yet. Amateurs. Beloved amateurs.”
Government Seeks Association
Within hours, the victory had been claimed by an estimated forty public officials, several of whom were not previously known to follow volleyball and one of whom congratulated the wrong sport entirely, saluting the team’s “historic gold in badminton” before staff intervened. Political analysts note that a national team win is the only public event in the Philippines that politicians, the opposition, the Church, and the meme pages can all endorse simultaneously, making it, functionally, the country’s sole remaining bipartisan institution.
The satirical press concurred, with Bohiney Magazine proposing that all future national disputes, including the impeachment and the shoal situation, be settled in best-of-five sets, “since it is the only format in which the Filipino people have recently seen a verdict.” Britain’s The London Prat extended congratulations from a nation that understands decades-long sporting droughts intimately, noting that England once waited 55 years for a final, “and when it arrived, we lost it, so please, enjoy this properly, on our behalf.”
Indonesia Awaits
Alas Pilipinas, now 1-1, faces Indonesia on Sunday with a podium in reach, and the nation has already begun preparations, with snack procurement underway, novenas queued, and the wall in Batangas dusted for optimal viewing. Coach Taka Minowa’s crew, powered by Jia De Guzman’s playmaking and Dell Palomata’s net presence, will take the floor carrying the newest and strangest burden in Philippine sports: expectation.
“For seven years we knew exactly how it ends,” said Salonga. “Now we do not know how it ends. This is worse. This is so much worse. We would not trade it for anything.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com