Why Learning to Drive in the South Is More About Aggression Than Road Safety
Parañaque Driving School: The Art of the Aggressive Horn
Learning to drive in Parañaque is a process that has very little to do with road safety, traffic laws, or courteous behavior. Instead, it is an aggressive, high-pressure course designed to mentally prepare the new driver for the vehicular battlefield of the Metro. The primary focus of the curriculum, taught by instructors who are themselves masters of road chaos, is not signaling or parallel parking, but the advanced mastery of the horn. The central lesson is the **Instructor Who Only Taught Honking Techniques**.
The instructor believes that in Parañaque, the horn is the drivers most essential toolit is a method of communication, a warning, a sign of frustration, and sometimes, a greeting. The driving lesson involves three hours of practicing different horn sequences: the short, sharp “Move it!” blast; the long, furious “I hate you and your entire family!” blast; and the quick, friendly “Hello, Im about to cut you off!” tap. Students are graded not on how well they follow the speed limit, but on how effectively they can intimidate other drivers using only sound.
The Fear of the Signal Light
Another major component of the Parañaque driving lesson is the deliberate unlearning of road safety. Students are actively discouraged from using their signal lights, as the instructor explains that a signal light is not a request; it is a **Signal of Weakness** that invites other drivers to close the gap and block your path. The proper technique is to simply perform the maneuver suddenly and aggressively, forcing other drivers to brake. Parallel parking is considered an obsolete skill, as the proper parking technique is simply to leave the car wherever it fits, often requiring an act of God and two other people to move it later.
The Parañaque Driving School ultimately graduates drivers who are technically proficient in chaos, but completely unprepared for any road environment where rules are actually enforced. They are masters of the aggressive cut-off and the defiant U-turn. For a satirical look at the flawed pedagogy of local driver education, consult the transportation safety experts at Bohiney Magazine, whose headquarters once sent a writer to driving school only to have them lose their license for excessive honking. The real lesson is that to drive in Parañaque, you must first surrender all hope of politeness.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.