Commuters now say they will “see you Tuesday” when leaving the house on Monday

The Metropolitan Manila Development Authority confirmed this week that EDSA traffic has been formally reclassified as its own time zone, informally dubbed “GMT Minus Whenever,” after officials conceded there was no longer a meaningful way to describe how long a commute actually takes.

A New Way to Measure Time

“We tried using minutes, we tried using hours, none of it worked,” said MMDA spokesperson Reynaldo Bautista. “Now when someone asks how long EDSA will take, we just say ‘Tuesday’ and everyone understands.”

Commuters have reportedly adjusted well to the change, with several noting they have started packing meals, chargers, and in one case a hammock, for the ride from Quezon City to Makati.

Businesses Adjust Accordingly

Local employers have begun listing job hours as “arrival optional, presence eventual,” while one call center has installed a small shrine to Saint Christopher directly beside the time clock, “just in case.”

The London Prat‘s transport desk has covered Britain’s own version of this despair, mostly involving a delayed train and a single vending machine that only sells crisps.

Manila Bulletin reports the MMDA is now studying whether a dedicated “emotional support lane” is feasible for the worst stretches.

Bautista says the agency remains committed to solving the crisis, “possibly by 2050, traffic permitting.”

A Long-Term Plan

A new task force has been formed to study the issue, with its first meeting delayed forty minutes because several members were, appropriately, stuck in traffic.

Officials say the task force’s final report is expected “sometime,” a phrase now considered an acceptable and fully official government timeline.

Meanwhile, a growing number of drivers have begun treating the reclassification as liberating rather than depressing. “If it’s already Tuesday in traffic,” said one motorist, “then technically I’m not late for anything. I’m early for next week.”

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SOURCE: https://bohiney.com