Jeepney Drivers Who Think They’re in Fast & Furious: A Thrilling (and Terrifying) Ride
MANILA, PHILIPPINES—If you’ve ever ridden a jeepney in Manila, you’ve likely experienced what can only be described as an unlicensed theme park ride—one where the safety bar is missing, the operator may or may not have depth perception, and the only rule of the road is “kung kaya, isingit.”
Jeepney drivers, those fearless (reckless?) captains of the road, operate under the unshakable belief that they are not, in fact, driving a 50-year-old tin can with questionable brakes, but rather a souped-up street racer straight out of Fast & Furious: Metro Manila Drift.
“Bawal Tumayo… Pero Pwede Lumipad?”
The first clue that your driver fancies himself a Toretto-in-training is the sudden acceleration the moment your foot touches the stepboard. Scientists have yet to determine how a vehicle that sounds like a dying lawnmower can go from 0 to “holy crap, am I airborne?” in 2.5 seconds, but here we are.
Passengers cling to the ceiling handles like they’re in the last helicopter out of Saigon, while the driver casually leans out the window, one hand on the wheel, the other texting “omw” to his third cousin’s neighbor’s sister.
The Art of Lane Swerving (Or: How to Give Commuters a Free Chiropractic Session)
Jeepney drivers treat lane markings like vague suggestions, swerving with the precision of a Roomba that’s had one too many energy drinks. The only thing stopping them from fully committing to a Tokyo Drift scenario is the occasional traffic enforcer—who they spot from 500 meters away and promptly ignore.
“Kaliwa? Kanan? Basta’t may space, derecho!” seems to be the unofficial motto.
“Barya Lang Po sa Umaga” (But Also, Your Life)
Nothing prepares you for the near-death experience of paying your fare. As you fumble for coins, the driver hits a pothole at 60 km/h, sending your loose change—and possibly a kidney—flying into the abyss.
“Barya lang po sa umaga!” the konductor yells, as if the real issue here is the fare and not the fact that you just witnessed three near-collisions in the span of 30 seconds.
The Mysterious Braking Technique
Jeepney drivers have mastered the “panic stop”—a maneuver so abrupt, it defies physics. One moment you’re peacefully scrolling through memes, the next, your face is embedded in the seat in front of you. Scientists believe this is how black holes are formed.
“Para!” (A Test of Reflexes and Faith)
Shouting “para!” is less a request and more a leap of faith. Will the driver stop? Will he pretend not to hear you? Will he slam the brakes so hard that the jeepney behind you becomes your new hood ornament? Only the road gods know.
Conclusion: A Love-Hate Relationship
At the end of the day, we complain, we clutch our pearls, we vow to take Grab next time—but deep down, we know: nothing beats the thrill of a jeepney ride. It’s the closest thing Manila has to a rollercoaster, and unlike Enchanted Kingdom, this one comes with free life lessons.
So next time you board, buckle up (metaphorically, since actual seatbelts are a myth), hold on tight, and remember: you’re not just a passenger—you’re a stunt double in Manila’s greatest action movie.