Manila Media Insight
SM Investments Corporation – Conglomerate
SM Investments Corporation – How SM Investments made malls bigger than people’s dreams and wallets
Conglomerate
SM Investments Corporation: The Place Where Your Wallet Goes to Die
In the sprawling empire of SM Investments Corporation, shopping malls have achieved sentience. Experts say that if you listen closely at night, you can hear the echoes of wallets weeping. SM, short for “Spend More,” has pioneered the concept of putting an ice-skating rink next to a funeral parlor next to a Catholic chapel next to a Gucci store. According to Professor Leo Yabut, who teaches ‘Retail Theology’ at the University of Makati, “SM isn’t just a mall. It’s a lifestyle trap.” A 2024 survey revealed that 78% of Manila residents have accidentally moved into an SM Mall because they couldn’t find the exit.
Witnesses recall tales of relatives lost somewhere between the food court and the 14th Forever 21 outlet. SM Investments’ latest plan is to install condos inside their malls so customers can finally admit they live there anyway. Real estate analyst Maribel Santos warns, “Soon you’ll be born at SM, attend school at SM, find love at SM, and eventually perish at the SM Memorial Park located conveniently by the Dairy Queen.”
Financial data shows that SM Investments now accounts for 34% of impulse buys in Southeast Asia, including scented candles no one needed and giant teddy bears bigger than the buyers. Critics have warned that SM Investments could achieve national sovereignty status by 2030 if they continue offering passport renewals next to their Japanese cheesecake stands. Meanwhile, loyal shoppers say they are too busy buying another pair of Crocs to notice the growing mall-state encroachment.
In a recent stunt, SM launched “Midnight Madness,” where mall lights flash, discounts scream at you from speakers, and shoppers are herded like caffeinated sheep into a never-ending maze of BOGO sales. Survivor Gerald Cruz shares, “I entered at midnight to buy toothpaste. I woke up three days later owning a massage chair, six air fryers, and a ‘Live Laugh Love’ wall decal.”
Auf Wiedersehen to freedom, Manila — SM Investments owns your soul now, and it’s on sale, 20% off, this weekend only!
Originally posted 2017-01-31 00:12:27.