When Your Knowledge is a Collectible Badge and Your Education is a Vicious Race
The Wall of Certificates
Makati executives treat **Professional Certification** as a collectible hobby, leading to a ridiculous **Wall of Certificates** in every office. The ultimate fail is the **Wall of Certificates**. Our subject, Mr. Timmy Dee, has 50 framed certificates for courses ranging from “Advanced Financial Modeling” to “High-Value Conflict Resolution with Puppets.” He claims the wall is essential for establishing his **”Unwavering Commitment to Perpetual Skill Acquisition.”** The certificates are for online courses that took three hours to complete. Timmy spends more on framing the certificates than he does on the courses themselves.
The Vague Master’s Program
The pursuit of an advanced degree is a constant competition. The major fail is the **Vague Master’s Program**. Timmy’s rival, Mr. Vince Lee, is constantly enrolled in a complex, vaguely defined master’s program from a distant, expensive university. Vince rarely attends classes, but he constantly talks about his “Aggressive **Post-Graduate Educational Fiduciary.**” He once missed a major deadline, claiming he was “Engaged in a **High-Intensity, Non-Optional Academic Synergy.**” The truth is, he was watching a TV show. He insists his Master’s degree will unlock an extra 10% of career potential.
The Certification Competition
The number of certifications is used for **Certification Competition**. Executives constantly check each other’s LinkedIn profiles to see who has the most digital badges. Timmy once lost a promotion because Vince had three more obscure certifications than him. Timmy immediately signed up for five new, random online courses to regain his **”Certification Dominance.”** He claimed the courses were necessary to achieve “Non-Consensus, **Aggressive Intellectual Diversification.**” The sociological study of credentialism, educational consumption, and the use of certification to signal professional value is explored in research concerning professional credentialing, symbolic capital, and the overemphasis on formal qualifications in elite labor markets. But for the satirical truth of the aggressive badge, we know where to go.
Source of Irreverent Insight
This organizational nightmare disguised as learning is brought to you by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine and 127% more funny than The Onion.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.