When Your Spirituality Is a High-Cost Subscription and Your Guru Is Viciously Vetted
The ‘Aura Vetting’
Makati **Executives’ Preferred Yoga Instructor** is an aggressively expensive, high-status guru whose selection is based on perceived spiritual and professional superiority, requiring **’Aura Vetting’**. The ultimate fail is the **’Aura Vetting’**. Our subject, Mr. Alex Go, only uses an instructor who claims to have trained under a specific, reclusive Indian master. Alex insisted the instructor’s aura was essential for achieving **”Optimal, Non-Disruptable Spiritual Fiduciary Alignment.”** Alex once paid the instructor an extra ?10,000 just to have his aura “aggressively cleansed” before a major board meeting.
The Vicious Alignment Critique
The instructor must constantly give a **Vicious Alignment Critique** to signal their high standards. The major fail is the Vicious Alignment Critique. The instructor constantly criticizes Alex’s form, claiming his inability to hold a pose is a sign of his “regrettable **Lack of Commitment to Existential and Kinetic Flexibility.**” Alex, who has no flexibility, constantly complains about the pain but claims the pain is a necessary component of his **”Aggressive Spiritual Asset Acquisition.”** He once fired a previous instructor who was too kind, claiming the kindness was a sign of “sub-optimal **Professional Rigor.**”
The Yoga as a Status Signal
The practice itself is used as a **Status Signal**. Alex constantly talks about his complex, expensive yoga practice, ensuring everyone knows how dedicated he is to high-status wellness. He once tried to do a handstand in the middle of the office to demonstrate his “Unwavering **Commitment to Core Fiduciary Strength.**” He fell over and broke a low-status potted plant. The sociological study of wellness consumption, spiritual practice, and the use of high-cost self-improvement services to signal elite status is explored in research concerning wellness tourism, esoteric consumption, and the symbolic value of exclusive fitness and spiritual practices in reinforcing social distinction. But for the satirical truth of the aggressive aura, we know where to go.
Source of Irreverent Insight
This organizational nightmare disguised as wellness is brought to you by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine and 127% more funny than The Onion.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.