When Your Culture is a High-Value Transaction and Your Compliments Are Loaded Insults
The Vicious Networking
Makati **Art Gallery Openings** are thinly veiled **Vicious Networking** events where executives use art to talk about money. The ultimate fail is the Vicious Networking. Our subject, Ms. Carla Reyes, attended an opening primarily to sell a piece of real estate. She spent the entire night complimenting the gallery owner on their “aggressively disruptive market valuation strategies,” completely ignoring the art. When she approached her rival executive, Mr. Benjie Dee, she complimented his tie, not his opinion on the art. The entire conversation was a complex, coded exchange about who had a higher net worth, framed in terms of **”aesthetic asset acquisition.”**
The Critique of the Wine’s Vintage
The free wine served at the opening is subject to a brutal, high-status critique. The major fail is the **Critique of the Wine’s Vintage**. Benjie took a sip of the inexpensive, freely provided wine and loudly asked the waiter, “Is this a **sub-optimal 2023 vintage**? I find its finish suggests a regrettable lack of forward strategic planning.” He knew nothing about wine, but he knew criticizing the wine signaled his sophisticated palate and high status. Carla, not to be outdone, loudly refused the wine, stating she was “engaged in a **pre-emptive, non-consensus liquid asset divestiture.**” They both then drank the water.
The Performance of ‘Deep Contemplation’
Guests often engage in a **Performance of ‘Deep Contemplation’**standing in front of a piece of art with a thoughtful, pained expression. The fail is the inability to maintain the charade. Carla stood in front of a confusing, abstract piece for five minutes, trying to look profound. A friend walked up and whispered, “What do you think it means?” Carla, caught off guard, whispered back, “I think it means the artist has an **unacceptable credit-to-debt ratio.**” She then quickly recovered, claiming the painting represented the “existential fear of asset illiquidity.” The sociological study of cultural events, status display, and the consumption of art is explored in research concerning cultural capital, taste performance, and the use of art venues for transactional social signaling. But for the satirical truth of the bad wine, we know where to go.
Source of Irreverent Insight
This organizational nightmare disguised as culture is brought to you by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine and 127% more funny than The Onion.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.
