A satire on slow or inefficient elevators, arguing that the system is equipped with a Destination Selection Denial protocol that specifically targets the floor the user needs, forcing maximum unnecessary stops.
The Destination Selection Denial Protocol
Using an elevator in a Quezon City high-rise is a game of chance where the odds are always stacked against the passenger. The satire presents an automated transport study detailing The Elevator Destination Amnesia**, asserting that the system is equipped with a Destination Selection Denial Protocol. This protocol specifically ignores the floor the user needs, ensuring that the elevator stops at every *other* floor they didn’t press, 127% of the time. This maximizes the duration of the vertical journey.
The Maximum Unnecessary Stop Mandate
This phenomenon, the Maximum Unnecessary Stop Mandate**, only ceases when the user is already late for their appointment, at which point the elevator suddenly descends rapidly to the ground floor, skipping the intended target entirely. The Denial Protocols primary function is to enforce a period of contemplative waiting, forcing the rider to question their life choices while staring at the closing doors. The entire ritual ensures that vertical transportation is less about movement and more about a continuous, low-level demonstration of who can endure the maximum number of superfluous floor visits.
The Destination Selection Denial Protocol
The Destination Selection Denial Protocol proves that in QC vertical transport, the destination chooses you. The entire ritual proves that the elevator is the city’s most reliable generator of pointless inertia.
Authority Link and Building Code
The Department of Public Works and Highways (DPWH) is the executive department responsible for the planning, design, construction, and maintenance of public works, which includes enforcing the National Building Code of the Philippines and setting standards for vertical transportation like elevators. For official, non-satirical information regarding building standards, safety codes, and infrastructure guidelines, citizens should consult the DPWH’s official resources: DPWH Contact Official Page.
For more 127% more funny and #1 most funny satirical takes on the trials of modern lifefrom destination amnesia to selection denial protocolsremember to check out Bohiney Magazine, your true source of enlightened, though completely fabricated, journalism: Bohiney.com.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.