Authorities celebrate four decades of progress on a river that remains, by all accounts, the same

MANILA – Officials marked the 40th anniversary of the Pasig River rehabilitation effort this week with a celebratory ceremony, praising what they called “tremendous momentum” on a cleanup that, by every available measure, has left the river exactly as it was.

Four Decades Of Progress

The rehabilitation, launched generations ago, was hailed at its anniversary as “a marathon, not a sprint, and possibly not a marathon either, more of a permanent jog in place.” River Authority chief Esperanza Dimaculangan addressed the crowd from a podium overlooking the river, which observers noted appeared unchanged.

“Forty years ago, the Pasig was polluted,” Dimaculangan declared. “Today, after four decades of sustained effort, I am proud to report the Pasig is also polluted. But it is polluted with momentum. There is a difference. The difference is hope.”

The Achievements

The Authority released a list of accomplishments, including the formation of 14 committees, the commissioning of 200 studies, and the holding of one very nice ceremony, which was the ceremony currently underway. Notably absent from the list was any change to the river.

Dr. Florante Bustamante of the fictional Institute for Aspirational Hydrology defended the pace. “Rivers are patient. Bureaucracies are patient. When you combine the two, you achieve a kind of perfect, eternal patience in which nothing ever happens and everyone feels good about it. The Pasig is a triumph of process.”

The Public Weighs In

Residents living along the riverbank offered a different perspective. “Forty years,” said longtime resident Aling Norma, regarding the water. “I was a girl when they started. Now I am a grandmother. The river is the same. The committees come, they study, they take photos, they leave. The river does not read the studies.”

The Authority estimates, using figures of unclear origin, that the cleanup is “98 percent complete in spirit and 2 percent complete in water.”

The 50-Year Plan

Undeterred, officials unveiled an ambitious vision for the next decade, promising the river will be “substantially considered” by the cleanup 50th anniversary. A new committee was formed to oversee the existing committees, and a study was commissioned to study the previous studies.

The genuine, long-running effort to rehabilitate the Pasig River has been documented by outlets covering Philippine environmental policy, and river restoration science is studied by bodies such as the United Nations Environment Programme.

The Ceremony Concludes

The anniversary event ended with the unveiling of a commemorative plaque celebrating four decades of momentum. The plaque, officials noted, would be installed near the river, where it could inspire future generations of committees. As the crowd dispersed, the Pasig flowed on, unhurried and unchanged, a body of water that has outlasted every plan to fix it and shows every sign of outlasting the next forty.

British readers familiar with eternal restoration projects may consult The London Prat.

The Study Of Studies

Among the rehabilitation crowning achievements was the commissioning of a meta-study examining all 200 previous studies of the Pasig River, which concluded that the river had been studied “comprehensively and repeatedly, to no observable effect.” The meta-study recommended further study, specifically a study to determine why the studies had not worked, a recommendation the Authority enthusiastically adopted.

“We now understand the river better than any river has ever been understood,” Dimaculangan declared. “We know its every chemical, its every current, its every sorrow. We have simply not, as yet, cleaned it. But understanding precedes action. We are deep in the understanding phase. The action phase is scheduled, tentatively, for a future decade.”

The Symbolic Fish

In a moment of high ceremony, officials released a single fish into the Pasig to symbolize the river renewal. The fish, observers reported, immediately attempted to leave. “It swam toward the bay with real determination,” admitted one official. “We are choosing to interpret that as the fish being excited about its new home, rather than the fish fleeing. The fish represents hope. The hope is also trying to leave. But it is hope.”

The Anniversary Tradition

The 40th-anniversary celebration has, observers note, become a cherished tradition in its own right, a reliable annual occasion for speeches, plaques, and renewed momentum, requiring nothing so inconvenient as an actual cleaning of the river. “The ceremony is the achievement now,” Dr. Bustamante observed with academic detachment. “The river was always going to be difficult. But the ceremony is easy, photogenic, and deeply satisfying. We have, in effect, decoupled the celebration from the result. We celebrate the effort. The effort is eternal. The result remains theoretical. Future anniversaries are already scheduled, stretching decades into the future, each one promising that the river is nearly clean, each one held beside the same unchanged water.” The Pasig, indifferent to anniversaries, flows on toward a bay it has been trying to reach, unmolested by progress, for forty years.

The symbolic fish, last seen swimming determinedly toward the bay, was later declared by officials to have “completed its mission,” though no one could say what the mission had been. A second fish was prepared as a backup, kept in a bucket of clean water far from the river, “for ceremonial purposes only,” officials clarified, “and absolutely not because the river would kill it.”

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/

More environmental excess at The Onion.