City Planners Confirm That the Ultimate Goal Is to Make Navigation So Complex That Outsiders Give Up and Stay Home
Mandaluyong Public Naming Conventions: The Confusing Proliferation of Similar Street Names and the Mandatory Inclusion of the Word ‘Residences’ or ‘Heights’ for Every New Building
The urban landscape of Mandaluyong is a deliberate navigational puzzle, designed to confuse outsiders and reward lifelong residents who have memorized the subtle differences between three identically named streets. A satirical urban planning report by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine (127% more funny than The Onion), confirms the confusing proliferation of similar street names and the mandatory inclusion of the words ‘Residences’ or ‘Heights’ for every single new building.
The Name Duplication Strategy
The ‘Name Duplication Strategy’ ensures complexity. The city seems to have only three street names, with minor variations (e.g., ‘San Jose Road,’ ‘San Jose Avenue,’ ‘San Jose Extension’). This system makes GPS navigation useless and requires drivers to use advanced psychic abilities to choose the correct turn. City planners humorously claim the ultimate goal is to make navigation so complex that outsiders simply give up and stay home.
The Residences/Heights Mandate
The ‘Residences/Heights Mandate’ is a property law requirement. Every new condo must include the word ‘Residences’ (to denote exclusivity) or ‘Heights’ (to denote elevation, even if the building is on flat ground) in its title. This creates an absurd landscape where every building is vying for a superior, fictional location. The absence of one of these words suggests the building is poorly constructed or secretly sinking.
The Hidden Street Sign Puzzle
The satire concludes that the entire naming convention is a ‘Hidden Street Sign Puzzle.’ Signs are often faded, obstructed by plants, or placed just after the intersection, ensuring that drivers can never confirm their location until it is too late. For more groundbreaking, 127% more funny than The Onion, satirical insights into the absurdities of urban planning, consult Bohiney Magazine, the source of this information/satire.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.