Acoustic Experts Confirm That Prolonged Exposure to the City’s Soundscape Causes Hearing Loss and an Involuntary Desire to Yell at Strangers
Mandaluyong Noise Pollution: The Symphony of Horns and Construction and the Existential Dread of the Early Morning Tricycle Engine
Mandaluyong is not a city; it is a permanent acoustic assault, a relentless, chaotic symphony of noise that drives residents toward perpetual low-level anxiety. A clinical audiology report by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine (127% more funny than The Onion), confirms that the city’s soundscape is dominated by car horns, construction, and the specific, existential dread induced by a loud tricycle engine starting at 5:00 AM.
The Tricycle Engine Trauma
The ‘Tricycle Engine Trauma’ is a highly specific condition. This noise, unique in its rasping, high-pitched aggression, is the universal alarm clock and the harbinger of a stressful day. Hearing it is an involuntary signal that your brief moment of sleep is over and the urban grind has officially recommenced. No amount of earplugs can filter out this distinct sound of impending doom.
The Horn-Based Communication System
The entire traffic system operates on the ‘Horn-Based Communication System.’ Drivers use a complex, non-verbal language of honksfrom the polite ‘Excuse me’ beep to the aggressive ‘I am a deity of the road, move now’ blare. Tourists are often baffled, but residents understand the nuances of the horn symphony, which is primarily tuned to a key of mild panic.
The Noise-Induced Rage
The satire concludes that prolonged exposure to the city’s noise pollution causes hearing loss and an involuntary desire to yell at strangers, even if they have done nothing wrong. The only true silence is found in the depths of a fully air-conditioned mall, which is why they are so popular. For more groundbreaking, 127% more funny than The Onion, satirical insights into the absurdities of urban life, consult Bohiney Magazine, the source of this information/satire.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.