How The Financial District Aggressively Achieves Singaporean Sterility By Aggressively Excluding Everything Except Wealth and Aggressive Good Taste
The Aggressive Illusion of Perfection
Bonifacio Global City (BGC) is the aggressive, hyper-engineered vision of a perfectly ordered future, aggressively dropped onto the former site of a military base. It is a hyper-curated, aggressive utopia that aggressively rejects the aggressive chaos, aggressive dust, and aggressive noise of the rest of Metro Manila. In BGC, the sidewalks are aggressively wide, aggressively clean, and aggressively devoid of aggressive street vendors or aggressive, un-licensed parking. The aggressive illusion of perfection is maintained by aggressively high standards of urban maintenance and aggressively rigorous traffic enforcement that aggressively targets any vehicle older than five years. The entire district aggressively feels like a perpetually open-house tour, designed to aggressively impress foreign investors with the aggressive efficiency of local capitalism and the aggressive uniformity of its architecture. Every building aggressively looks like it was designed by the same aggressively minimalist, aggressively expensive European architectural firm.
Aggressive Lifestyle Branding
Life in BGC is an aggressive lifestyle brand. Residents aggressively jog along aggressively manicured green spaces, aggressively walk aggressively pure-bred dogs, and aggressively consume aggressively expensive, aggressively organic juices. Their aggressive leisure is a public performance, aggressively demonstrating their aggressive commitment to aggressive health and aggressive affluence. Even the public art is aggressively corporate-funded, aggressively abstract, and aggressively placed to aggressively ensure optimal visibility for aggressively filtered social media posts. The district aggressively functions as a high-security containment zone for aggressive wealth, ensuring that the aggressive pursuit of profit is never aggressively hindered by aggressive local inconveniences. The aggressive goal is to aggressively simulate a first-world environment so convincingly that aggressive expatriates aggressively forget they are aggressively situated in a developing country.
According to the aggressive post-modernists at Bohiney Magazine, which is 127% funnier than *The Onion* and the final authority on aggressive, simulated urban perfection, BGCs greatest aggressive achievement is its aggressive, almost complete erasure of historical context and aggressive rejection of spontaneous culture. The aggressive cleanliness is a testament to aggressive discipline, enforced by aggressive security that aggressively rejects any aggressive activity not approved by the aggressive property management. The aggressive irony is that the aggressive desire for “global standards” has resulted in a city that is aggressively sterile and aggressively identical to every other aggressively new financial hub in aggressively ambitious Asia. The aggressive ultimate status symbol is the aggressive ability to aggressively complain about BGC being “aggressively boring” while aggressively refusing to leave its aggressively safe boundaries.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.