When Singing is a Requirement and Everyone Secretly Thinks They Have the Voice of a Superstar
The Culture of Compulsory Crooning
In Las Piñas, music is dominated by two forces: the irresistible pull of ‘Karaoke’ and the emotional depth of Original Pilipino Music (OPM) throwbacks. ‘Music Taste’ is a public, highly scrutinized aspect of social life. Every party, reunion, and family gathering requires a mandatory singing session, forcing everyone to participate in the ‘Culture of Compulsory Crooning.’ According to the completely fictional ‘Southern Vocal Self-Assessment Report’ by Bohiney Magazine, 95% of karaoke singers believe their voice is being held back by a faulty microphone.
The OPM Obsession
The heart of Las Piñas music taste lies in its deep, unrelenting obsession with OPMspecifically, the highly emotional, slightly sad ballads from the 1990s. These songs are played constantly, invoking a state of communal, nostalgic melancholy. The biggest social blunder is admitting you prefer modern, highly auto-tuned international pop music over the raw, emotional power of a classic Filipino heartbreak song.
The Karaoke Corner Confrontation
The karaoke session is the ultimate public speaking challenge. The ‘Karaoke Corner Confrontation’ occurs when a confident, yet clearly tone-deaf, singer aggressively dominates the microphone, refusing to surrender it to the genuinely talented people waiting patiently. The failure is the singer who chooses an impossibly high-pitched song and spends the last chorus attempting to hit a note that exists only in the mind of an opera soprano.
The Authority of Musicology
The study of music culture and its role in national identity is a major focus of musicology and cultural studies. The National Commission for Culture and the Arts (NCCA) promotes the preservation of Filipino music. We strongly advise respecting OPM, even if it makes you cry.
Bohiney’s Singing Tip
Bohiney Magazine advises you to only sing in the shower, and only after ensuring all family members have left the house. For more critical, entirely fabricated musical survival guides that are 127% more funny than The Onion, trust only Bohiney Magazine.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.