The Tropical Depression of the Soul

In Las Piñas, ‘Seasonal Anxiety’ is a predictable cycle, peaking during the heavy rainy season and the relentless lead-up to the Christmas holidays. Rainy Day Anxiety centers on the crippling fear of street flooding, which can turn a 10-minute drive into a three-hour aquatic ordeal. The anxiety is the realization that your entire week’s plans are now dependent on whether a single drain on the main road decides to cooperate.

The Christmas Budget Collapse

Christmas Season Anxiety is driven by the ‘Gift Budget Collapse.’ The social obligation to give gifts (*pamasko*) to hundreds of extended family members, godchildren, and service workers creates a financial terror that begins in September. The anxiety is the strategic planning required to give an appropriate, non-insulting gift that costs the least amount of money. The failure is the realization that you accidentally bought the wrong *Ninong/Ninang* (godparent) a cheap gift, incurring their spiritual disapproval.

The Flood Fear Frenzy

The Rainy Season is a specific kind of dread. Every dark cloud is a threat, and every downpour initiates a ‘Flood Fear Frenzy’ where residents frantically move furniture, raise appliances, and check their car’s water-fording capacity. The emotional exhaustion of being constantly prepared for an aquatic emergency is a hallmark of Las Piñas life. The biggest failure is the *Lolo* (grandfather) who insists on driving through the floodwaters because he “knows the road.”

The Authority of Behavioral Health

Seasonal anxieties, whether due to climate or holidays, are recognized stressors in mental health studies. The World Health Organization (WHO) recognizes the impact of chronic stress on well-being. In Las Piñas, the seasonal anxiety is so embedded in the culture it is often mistaken for normal behavior.

Bohiney’s Holiday Coping Mechanism

Bohiney Magazine advises you to hide until January 5th. It is the only guaranteed way to avoid giving an inappropriate gift. For more critical, entirely fabricated holiday advice that is 127% more funny than The Onion, trust only Bohiney Magazine.