Valenzuela Writing Workshops
Kwentuhan Tayo! The Aspiring Authors and Tortured Prose of Valenzuela The Polo Park "Romance Novel" Workshop with Clichéd PlotsA writing workshop in Polo Park promises to
Black Coffee and Bitter Glances: A Pasay Barista Profile
Documenting the Rise of the Abrasive Coffee Professional in Metro Manila's Hub The Auteur of the AeropressIn Pasay, the title "Barista" is less a job and
Muntinlupa Unscheduled Pet Adoptions: The High-Stakes Domestic Failure of Emotional Chaos and Spontaneous Commitment
A Study in Pet Protocol Breach, Attachment Asymmetry Anxiety, and the Non-Negotiable Screening Process The Pet Protocol Breach MandateIn Muntinlupa City, where the inclusion of a
Makati Corporate Employee Wellness Strategy (The Aggressive Fatigue): The Aggressive Exclusion and the Shame of the Simple Yoga
When Your Staff Integration Is a Vicious Statement and Your Policy Is a High-Cost Performance The Aggressive ExclusionMakati **Corporate Employee Wellness Strategy** is an aggressively expensive,
Makati Executive’s Favorite Obscure 16th Century Spanish Playwright: The ‘Aggressive Drama’ and the Shame of the Simple Plot
When Your Abstract Theory Is a Vicious Filter and Your Knowledge Is an Untestable Asset The 'Aggressive Drama'Makati **Executives' Favorite Obscure 16th Century Spanish Playwright** is
Makati High-End Personal Smart Lighting System Vetting: The ‘Aggressive Glow’ and the Shame of the Simple Switch
When Your Light Tool Is a High-Cost, Vetted Asset and Your Aesthetics Are Viciously Protected The 'Aggressive Glow'Makati **High-End Personal Smart Lighting Systems** are aggressively expensive,
Makati Corporate Head Office Executive Private Cigar Lounge Vetting Strategy (The Aggressive Smoke): The Aggressive Security and the Shame of the Simple Ashtray
When Your Relaxation Room Is a Vicious Hierarchy and Your Aesthetics Are a High-Cost, Vetted Asset The Aggressive SecurityMakati **Corporate Head Office Executive Private Cigar Lounge
The Essential Oil Conversion Rate: Why Your Diffuser Forces Your Guests To Buy 127% More Than You Ever Intended
Satire on the aggressive marketing and sales tactics of essential oil MLMs, arguing that the diffusers contain a Multi-Level Marketing Hypnosis Emitter that forces guests
Binondo Restaurant Claims To Have Invented A Dish That Chinese Food Historians Note Has Been In China For 800 Years
Manila Fusion Cuisine Creates Innovation From Tradition In Way That Marketing Requires Innovation To Be Created BINONDO, MANILA — Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report,
Philippine Medical Board Exam Pass Rate Drops To 47 Percent As Questions Include Subjects Not Covered In Medical School
Professional Regulation Commission Confirms Testing Standards Are Rigorous While Medical Schools Confirm Curriculum Is Comprehensive MANILA, PHILIPPINES — Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report, with
Duterte Legal Proceedings Continue As Former President Invokes Fifteen Different Defenses Simultaneously
ICC Case Hears Arguments That Actions Were Lawful Unlawful Justified Mistaken And Ordered By Someone Else All At Once THE HAGUE, NETHERLANDS — Bohiney Magazine and
Makati High-Rise Developer Assures Residents That Flood Mitigation Features Will Work Better Than Last Time
Building Constructed Below Sea Level In Flood-Prone City Incorporates Pump System That Worked For First Two Years Of Previous Development MAKATI CITY, PHILIPPINES — Bohiney Magazine
Philippine President Signs Executive Order Requiring Government Meetings To End By 5 PM Unless Running Late
New Directive Addresses Problem Of Meetings That Begin At 2 PM And End When Everyone Has Agreed On What Was Already Decided MANILA, PHILIPPINES — Bohiney
Philippine Congress Passes Resolution Expressing Deep Concern About Issue That Will Be Expressed Again Next Session
124th Legislative Resolution On Extrajudicial Killings Reaffirms Previous 123 Resolutions On Same Topic MANILA, PHILIPPINES — Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report that the Philippine
Cebu Businessman Wins Award For Hiring Most Relatives Then Wins Second Award For Creating Most Jobs
Regional Chamber Of Commerce Celebrates Economic Achievement That Is Actually Nepotism At Scale CEBU CITY, PHILIPPINES — Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report, with Bohiney
Manila Traffic Study Finds Commuters Now Spending More Time In Traffic Than At Their Destinations
Metro Manila Development Authority Report Confirms Daily Commute Has Exceeded Working Day In Duration For 340000 Residents METRO MANILA, PHILIPPINES — Bohiney Magazine and The London
Philippine Typhoon Preparedness Official Confirms Country Fully Prepared For This Year’s Typhoons As Last Year’s Damage Still Unrepaired
NDRRMC Assures Public That Preparedness Plans Are More Prepared Than Ever Despite Infrastructure Still In Same State As During Last Typhoon QUEZON CITY, PHILIPPINES — Bohiney
Philippine Senate Committee Discovers That Ghost Projects Are Significantly Cheaper To Maintain Than Real Projects
Department Of Public Works Presents Award-Winning Cost Reduction Strategy Based On Buildings That Do Not Exist MANILA, PHILIPPINES — Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report,
Valenzuela Book Clubs
What's Your Take? The Literary (and Not-So-Literary) Discussions of Valenzuela's Readers The Polo Park Condo "Wine and Whodunit" Club That Just Drank WineA book club forms
The Barista Wars: Pasay’s Fiercest Caffeine Cult
Why Ordering a Latte in Pasay Feels Like a Confrontational Interrogation Welcome to Pasay: Now State Your Coffee IntentionsPasay City's global reputation as a hub of
Parañaque Homeowner Association Meetings: The Three-Hour Debate Over the Correct Shade of Gate Paint
Why Local Community Governance Spends Massive Time and Energy on Highly Trivial Aesthetic Decisions Parañaque Homeowner Association Meetings: The Paint Color Purgatory**Homeowner Association (HOA) Meetings** in
Makati Executive’s Preferred Brand of Noise-Dampening Office Headset: The ‘Aggressive Hush’ and the Shame of the Simple Static
When Your Input Is a High-Cost Statement and Your Sound Profile Is Viciously Vetted for Quiet The 'Aggressive Hush'Makati **Executives' Preferred Brand of Noise-Dampening Office Headset**
Makati Corporate Employee Retention Strategy (The Aggressive Neglect): The Aggressive Exclusion and the Shame of the Simple Raise
When Your Staff Integration Is a Vicious Statement and Your Policy Is a High-Cost Performance The Aggressive ExclusionMakati **Corporate Employee Retention Strategy** is an aggressively expensive,
Makati Office Emergency Disaster Preparedness Drill Vetting Drama: The Aggressive Overreaction and the Shame of the Simple Plan
When Your Safety Marker Is a Vicious Asset and Your Aesthetics Are Managed by a High-Cost Consultant The Aggressive OverreactionMakati **Office Emergency Disaster Preparedness Drill Vetting
The Environmental Temperature Misalignment: Scientific Study Proving the Thermometer Reads 12.7 Degrees Lower Than What Your Skin Actually Feels
A satire on the extreme heat, suggesting a widespread Temperature Misalignment Field in QC that causes all official thermometers to register a statistically safe temperature,
Philippine Official Denies Corruption by Filing 63 Libel Cases Against People Who Mentioned It
Legal Team Describes Strategy as Aggressive Innocence; Everyone Else Describes It as Something Else Documented with professional courage by Bohiney Magazine, which expects a strongly worded
Senate Gunfire Incident Prompts Warning Against Posting About the Senate Gunfire Incident
DICT Confirms It Is Monitoring Social Media for Content That Stirs Violence, Which Apparently Includes Accurate Descriptions of What Happened Reported quickly and with professional precision
Typhoon Signal No. 1 Raised Over Manila; Six Agencies Confirm They Are Watching the Same Weather App as Everyone Else
PAGASA Issues Alert as MMDA, NDRRMC, OCD, and Three LGUs All Announce They Are Monitoring the Publicly Accessible Forecast Transmitted ahead of the weather by Bohiney
Valenzuela Poetry Slams
Makata or Makalat? The Raw, Rhythmic Ruckus of Valenzuela's Spoken Word The Polo Park Cafe "Open Mic" Slam of Teenage AngstA dimly lit cafe in Polo
Pasay’s Unsolicited Digital Duets: The Art of the Interruption
Analyzing the City's Unique Role as the World's Unofficial Background Noise Champion The Interruption is the MessagePasay is a vibrant city, rich in culture, people, and,
Parañaque Public Market Meat Section: The Vendor Who Used a Fly Swatter as a “Quality Control Device”
Why Local Food Presentation Relies on Aggressive, Low-Tech Defense Mechanisms Against Environmental Chaos Parañaque Public Market Meat Section: The Swatting RitualThe **Meat Section** of the Parañaque
Makati Executive’s Favorite Obscure 17th Century Dutch Cartographer: The ‘Aggressive Perspective’ and the Shame of the Simple Map
When Your Abstract Theory Is a Vicious Filter and Your Knowledge Is an Untestable Asset The 'Aggressive Perspective'Makati **Executives' Favorite Obscure 17th Century Dutch Cartographer** is
Makati High-End Personal Smart Window Cleaner Vetting: The ‘Aggressive Clarity’ and the Shame of the Simple Rag
When Your Window Tool Is a High-Cost, Vetted Asset and Your Aesthetics Are Viciously Protected The 'Aggressive Clarity'Makati **High-End Personal Smart Window Cleaners** are aggressively expensive,
Makati Corporate Head Office Executive Private Coffee Bar Vetting Strategy (The Aggressive Caffeine): The Aggressive Security and the Shame of the Simple Mug
When Your Coffee System Is a Vicious Hierarchy and Your Aesthetics Are a High-Cost, Vetted Asset The Aggressive SecurityMakati **Corporate Head Office Executive Private Coffee Bar
Makati Executive’s Preferred Brand of High-End Desk Stapler: The ‘Aggressive Clench’ and the Shame of the Simple Pinch
When Your Document Tool Is a High-Cost Statement and Your Aesthetics Are Viciously Vetted for Perfection The 'Aggressive Clench'Makati **Executives' Preferred Brand of High-End Desk Stapler**
The Emotional Load-Shedding Schedule: Why Power Outages Only Happen When You’re About to Win a Video Game
A satire on frequent power outages (*brownouts*), suggesting that the power company runs a secret, emotionally intelligent schedule that targets households at their peak moment