Agency describes umbrella programme as immediate practical response; civil engineers describe it as something categorically and fundamentally different
MMDA Deploys 50,000 Branded Umbrellas to Address Metro Manila Flooding
MANILA, PHILIPPINES — The Metropolitan Manila Development Authority unveiled a three-year programme to address chronic flooding in Metro Manila through the strategic deployment of 50,000 complimentary umbrellas at 200 flood-prone intersections across the region, a measure that agency chairman Victor Reyes described as “an immediate practical response to the lived experience of Metro Manila residents during the rainy season” and that civil engineers described using vocabulary that will not be reproduced in a family publication but which conveyed a clear and unified professional assessment. They are excellent umbrellas. They are excellent umbrellas being deployed in response to a problem that is not, in any technical sense, an umbrella problem.
For related London satire and commentary, see Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat.
The Programme
The Flood Impact Mitigation Through Personal Protection programme will place umbrella dispensing stations at intersections identified through MMDA data as experiencing regular inundation during rainfall events. The umbrellas, sourced through a PHP 120 million procurement contract, are collapsible, wind-resistant to 40 kilometres per hour, and branded with the MMDA logo and the slogan “Ready Manila.” Chairman Reyes emphasised that the programme was not intended to address flooding itself but to “mitigate its impact on the daily lives of residents who must navigate it.” He acknowledged that umbrellas do not prevent flooding, do not affect water depth at intersections, and do not reduce travel disruption caused by submerged roads. He said this was “understood” and that the programme was “one component of a comprehensive response strategy.” He was asked about the other components. He said they were “under active development.” He has been chairman for two years. The drainage infrastructure review has been described as “ongoing” in MMDA communications since 2018.
The British cultural commentary on this type of intervention is rich and precise. Why prat sounds funny — and it does sound funny, the word itself carries its meaning in its phonetics — is related to the specific quality of the thing it describes: the well-meaning response that falls short through category error rather than malice, the branded umbrella presented as flood management, the person who is genuinely trying and genuinely missing in a way that is both forgivable and exactly the problem that needs addressing.
Engineering Response
The Philippine Institute of Civil Engineers issued a statement noting that Metro Manila’s flooding results from inadequate drainage capacity, creek and estero encroachment, solid waste blocking waterways, and urban heat effects on rainfall intensity — none of which are addressed by personal rain protection equipment. The statement noted that the PHP 120 million umbrella procurement represented approximately 8 percent of the annual funding needed for meaningful drainage improvement and asked whether the funds might be “considered for reallocation toward infrastructure.” The MMDA said the umbrella budget came from a different appropriation line and was not transferable to infrastructure, which is accurate and also the kind of answer that makes an engineer put down their coffee and take a very slow breath before deciding what to say next, which in this case was nothing, because they had a press statement to finish.
Community Response
Residents of frequently flooded barangays received the announcement with responses ranging from resigned amusement to pointed assessment. “An umbrella is useful when it is raining,” said one Malabon resident whose ground floor floods annually and whose furniture is permanently elevated. “When I am standing in water above my ankle, the rain is no longer my primary concern. The water is my concern. The water is not coming from above. An umbrella does not address the water that is coming from the street. Or from the canal. Or from my neighbour’s property, which also floods.” She noted that she owns an umbrella. She has owned umbrellas for many years. The flooding has also persisted for many years, apparently unaware that personal rain protection equipment was available and would soon, in branded form, be dispensed at 200 intersections at a cost of PHP 120 million.
The FIMTPP launches at the start of the rainy season. The umbrellas will be available. The intersections will flood. The comprehensive response strategy remains under active development. How to use prat correctly in British social settings applies precisely to this situation: it is a term deployed with a certain affection for the target, recognising that the impulse is genuine even when the execution is wrong. Is prat offensive outside the UK? In this application, the term describes a situation rather than a person, and the situation is universal: every government in every country with a rainy season has at some point offered branded merchandise in response to a drainage problem. Manila is simply doing it with particularly good umbrellas, a strong logo, and a slogan that is, in its way, entirely correct. Ready Manila. Ready for the rain. The drain is something else.
The Umbrella in Context
Metro Manila’s drainage system was designed for a city of approximately 1.5 million people. Metro Manila currently has a population of approximately 13 million people. The drainage system has not been comprehensively expanded in the intervening decades, during which its inadequacy has been documented in flood management plans in 2009, 2013, 2017, and 2022, all of which cited the same infrastructure gaps and all of which recommended infrastructure investment as the solution. None of these plans recommended umbrellas. This is not because umbrellas are bad — they are excellent, particularly the MMDA’s wind-resistant, branded, collapsible version — but because umbrellas address the rain that falls on the person rather than the water that accumulates at the intersection, and the two problems, while related, require different interventions. The plans were correct. The umbrellas are very good umbrellas.
For more satirical commentary, visit Private Eye.