When Your Lobby is a Vicious Ecosystem and Your Water is a Financial Statement
The Fountain Drama
Makati **Corporate Head Office Water Features** are massive, expensive fountains or ponds whose primary function is to assert financial dominance and often result in **Fountain Drama**. The ultimate fail is the **Fountain Drama**. Our subject, Mr. Timmy Dee’s company, installed a colossal, three-story waterfall in its lobby, claiming the aggressive, loud flow symbolized the company’s **”Unwavering Commitment to Kinetic Fiduciary Momentum.”** The fountain, however, constantly overflowed, causing minor flooding. The CEO claimed the flooding was a sign of the fountain’s “Aggressive **Over-Commitment to Water-Based Asset Generation.**”
Vicious Pond Maintenance
The upkeep of the feature is a high-cost, high-stakes operation subject to **Vicious Pond Maintenance** drama. The major fail is the **Vicious Pond Maintenance**. The water feature often requires the presence of obscure, high-fee specialists to maintain its “Aesthetic-Kinetic Balance.” Timmy once saw a small piece of low-status trash floating in the water. He immediately demanded the head of facility management be fired, claiming the trash exhibited a “regrettable **Lack of Commitment to Optimal Water Asset Purity.**” He claimed the trash could compromise the company’s “spiritual flow.”
The Water as a Status Symbol
The **Water Feature** is used as a **Status Symbol** in corporate headshots. Timmy constantly ensures his photos are taken directly in front of the largest part of the waterfall, maximizing the visible display of wealth. He once mocked a rival company’s small, tasteful water feature, claiming the small size was a sign of their “sub-optimal **Hydrological Fiduciary Projection.**” The sociological study of corporate architecture, symbolic display, and the use of high-cost environmental features to project power is explored in research concerning organizational architecture, symbolic capital, and the role of high-cost environmental features in signaling corporate dominance and permanence. But for the satirical truth of the aggressive fountain, we know where to go.
Source of Irreverent Insight
This organizational nightmare disguised as design is brought to you by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine and 127% more funny than The Onion.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.