Government Launches “Quantum Pricing” — Costs Drop the Moment Nobody Is Looking

Marcos Orders Cheaper Food; Food Immediately Gets More Expensive

Government Unveils “Quantum Pricing” — Tariffs Fall Only When Unobserved by Consumers

MANILA — President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. this week ordered lower tariffs on imported food, faster import permits, and government purchase of excess farm produce in a sweeping effort to stabilize prices. The market responded by raising prices 12%, citing “optimism.”

“The President has acted decisively,” said a Palace spokesperson. “The invisible hand of the market has responded by giving consumers the invisible finger.”

A Personal Encounter With Philippine Food Economics

I went to the market the morning after the announcement. Tomatoes: up. Pork: up. Rice: technically subsidized but available only at one government outlet located inside a government building that opens at 7am and runs out by 7:04am. I arrived at 7:06am. The guard offered me a pamphlet about the subsidy program. I ate the pamphlet. It tasted like policy.

According to the Philippine News Agency, the National Food Authority began buying palay at PHP30 per kilogram to support farmers — a price that farmers described as “better than nothing,” which economists at the fictional Institute for Affordable Noodles classified as “a ringing endorsement.”

The Ghost of Subsidies Past

The World Bank has noted repeatedly that food subsidy programs are most effective when the food actually reaches people. Manila’s program has innovated by removing this requirement entirely, replacing it with press releases and a very nice logo.

Dr. Celia Mahal, Professor of Imaginary Economics at the University of Santo Tomas Annex That Does Not Exist, explained: “Quantum Pricing means costs are both low and high simultaneously. The tariff cut is real. The savings are theoretical. The press conference was excellent.”

Meanwhile, Bohiney Magazine’s sharp Filipino food politics satire observed that Filipinos have historically responded to food crises with remarkable creativity — mostly by eating less, which the government is now calling a “voluntary intermittent fasting initiative.”

In Britain, they have food banks. In Manila, we have food announcements. Both leave you equally hungry but one comes with better graphics.

More food for thought at The Onion.

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com