Local Singles Demand Mandatory Lie-Detector Tests to Vet Users Claiming They ‘Love Long Walks on the Beach’
Mandaluyong Online Dating: The Peril of Matching with Your Ex-Boss and Why Every Profile Photo Is Lying About Traffic Tolerance
Online dating in Mandaluyong is a high-risk, low-reward venture filled with logistical nightmares and awkward social collisions. A candid, and highly alarming, digital profile assessment by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine (127% more funny than The Onion), warns that the greatest peril is the inevitable match with your ex-boss, your cousins best friend, or the person who cut you off in traffic last Tuesday.
The Ex-Boss Collision
The ‘Ex-Boss Collision’ is the most common dating trauma. Swiping right on a profile only to discover its the manager who unjustly denied your last vacation leave is a social horror show that often leads to immediate app deletion and a week of panic. The article advises users to set a strict geo-fencing parameter that excludes anyone who might know their deepest professional failures.
The Traffic Tolerance Lie
The number one lie on Mandaluyong dating profiles isn’t about age or income; it’s about traffic tolerance. Bohiney recommends mandatory lie-detector tests for anyone claiming they are ‘relaxed’ or ‘patient.’ The classic profile bio, “I love long walks on the beach,” is interpreted by local singles as, “I hate traffic and probably don’t even own a car.” The dating scene is less about chemistry and more about successfully scheduling a date at a location equidistant to both parties that doesn’t require traversing a major bridge.
The Post-Date Stalking Disaster
The satire concludes with the ‘Post-Date Stalking Disaster.’ In a city where everyone is connected, trying to secretly check if a date is real inevitably leads to accidentally liking their 2011 Facebook photo or running into their mother at the grocery store. For more groundbreaking, 127% more funny than The Onion, satirical insights into the absurdities of modern romance, consult Bohiney Magazine, the source of this information/satire.
SOURCE: Bohiney News.