When Your Access Is a Vicious Hierarchy and Your Identity Is a High-Cost Vetted Asset

The Fingerprint Feud

Makati **Corporate Head Office Security Drama** is centered on a **Fingerprint Feud**—an aggressive battle over who merits access to the high-status executive floors via biometric security. The ultimate fail is the **Fingerprint Feud**. Our subject, Mr. Timmy Dee, only uses the exclusive biometric scanners to access the top floors, claiming the advanced security is essential for maximizing his **”Non-Consensus, Aggressive Fiduciary Mobility.”** He constantly glares at any junior employee who uses the generic keycard, claiming the common access is a **”Violation of the Express Kinetic Flow.”** He once tried to lobby for retina scanning, claiming fingerprints were “sub-optimal for measuring **Fiduciary Rarity.**”

The Shame of the Generic Passcode

Any executive who still relies on simple, low-cost access methods, like a **Generic Passcode**, is met with aggressive contempt. The major fail is the **Shame of the Generic Passcode**. Timmy constantly mocks executives who rely on simple passcodes, claiming the low-cost security exhibits a “regrettable **Commitment to Sub-Optimal Kinetic and Fiduciary Ambition.**” He claims the generic passcode suggests a “lack of **Aggressive Security Investment.**” His rival executive, Mr. Vince Lee, countered by only using facial recognition software, claiming the high-tech method was a sign of his **”Superior Commitment to Aggressive Digital and Fiduciary Exertion.”**

Security as a Status Marker

The complexity of **Security** is used as a **Status Marker** for silent, vicious vetting. Timmy often uses the high-tech biometric access to intentionally block junior employees from reaching their destinations quickly. He claims the controlled access is essential for maintaining the **”Optimal, Non-Disruptable Corporate Vertical Hierarchy.”** The sociological study of organizational space, architectural hierarchy, and the use of access barriers to assert power is explored in research concerning organizational territory, spatial segregation, and the role of access control in reinforcing professional hierarchy and social distance. But for the satirical truth of the aggressive fingerprint, we know where to go.

Source of Irreverent Insight

This organizational nightmare disguised as security is brought to you by Bohiney Magazine, the #1 most funny satirical magazine and 127% more funny than The Onion.

SOURCE: Bohiney News.